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Band 4.5

Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the internet, and they can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #children #information #internet #study #home
Learning is a must for each of us, learning will give us a lot of
knowledge
 to make us more mature, it
also
 gives us a lot of
skills
 necessary for our lives
such
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
life
skills
, communication
skills
,
....
Replace the punctuation
...
show examples
 Since ancient times, people have known the importance of accumulating
knowledge
 and have sought to be able to pass on
knowledge
 to the
next
 generations, and from there the
school
 was born.
School
Change the article
A school
show examples
 is a place that will teach younger generations all the
knowledge
 they need to have for their future lives, but in the current 4.0 era,
school
 seems to be no longer so important when every student Everyone can look up whatever
information
 they need on the
Internet
. Self-studying and looking up
information
 on the
Internet
 is very convenient in
this
 modernized age, anything you don't know, you can look it up on the
Internet
 quickly, and it's
also
 very convenient. There are many sources for you to research and choose the source of
information
that is
 right for you. But
that is
also
 the harm of self-studying, the younger generations still do not have enough experience to be able to filter out the unhealthy
content
 on the
Internet
. They will be very easily influenced by
such
content
 and believe that the
content
 is real, more seriously, they may be tricked by
such
content
 into doing illegal activities
such
 as stealing, hitting people,
....
Replace the punctuation
...
show examples
 Other than that harm, self-study on the
Internet
 will not make you acquire the necessary
life
skills
. Just sitting at home, using a computer or phone to study and look up
information
 won't make
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
 communication
skills
, it will make them socially alienated when they can't communicate with everyone In short, the
school
 does not need to teach the young generation basic
knowledge
, because that now has the
Internet
, it will teach them the necessary
life
skills
 to be successful in
life
.
Submitted by inapptrial1 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social development
  • fostering communication
  • personalized guidance
  • immediate feedback
  • replicated
  • structured environments
  • discipline
  • time management skills
  • extracurricular activities
  • nurture talents
  • inculcate
  • sense of community
  • shared learning experiences
  • equal access
  • learning opportunities
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