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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #support #aid #organizations #attention #celebrities
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It is now more and more common
that
Correct word choice
for
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celebrities
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provide
Fix the infinitive
to provide
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 support, financially or through media, to international
aid
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organizations
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, which sounds very generous and meaningful, but still draws mixed public responses. Some argue that their support puts
organizations
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 under
media
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the media
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 spotlight,
while
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 others rebut that it might undermine the importance of
problems
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. I believe that if
celebrities
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 genuinely help
organizations
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, they can make tangible contributions that few groups can make. For proponents of
celebrities
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 supporting international
aid
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organizations
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, with their massive fan base, they can easily mobilize many
people
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 to draw
attention
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 to
problems
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 that
organizations
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 are tackling. Many high-end brands pay
celebrities
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 up to hundreds of or even thousands of dollars to invite them to show up in their advertisements, which
well
Rephrase
apply
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demonstrates their great power to draw public
attention
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. When the power of
celebrities
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 is put
into
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to
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 legitimate use, it can encourage countless
people
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 to take
actions
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action
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, empowering
organizations
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 to deal with
problems
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.
People
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 oppose the idea of
celebrities
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 supporting international
aid
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organizations
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 mainly because of the possibility that they will draw more public
attention
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 to themselves,
instead
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 of the
problems
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organizations
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 are tackling, which should be the focus of public discussions. These opponents are concerned about
celebrities
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 using international
aid
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organizations
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 as mere tools to boost their own popularity,
thus
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 diminishing
attention
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 to the
problems
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instead
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. Despite the fact that
celebrities
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’ power might be misused, I still believe that
celebrities
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 can make meaningful and unique contributions to international
aid
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organizations
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, so far as they genuinely want to do so. Many fans truly look up to their idols and want to imitate what they do.
Hence
Linking Words
,
celebrities
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 are capable of setting a morally respectable example to the public so that more
people
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 will follow suit and help
organizations
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 deal with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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dire social
problems
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.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorse
  • international aid organizations
  • public awareness
  • amplify
  • advocacy
  • systemic change
  • oversimplification
  • trivialization
  • undermining
  • severity
  • misinformed advocacy
  • distorts
  • hamper
  • guided by experts
  • constructive
  • strategically
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