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Band 4.5

Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #support #aid #organizations #attention #celebrities
It is now more and more common
that
Correct word choice
for
show examples
celebrities
provide
Fix the infinitive
to provide
show examples
 support, financially or through media, to international
aid
organizations
, which sounds very generous and meaningful, but still draws mixed public responses. Some argue that their support puts
organizations
 under
media
Add an article
the media
show examples
 spotlight,
while
 others rebut that it might undermine the importance of
problems
. I believe that if
celebrities
 genuinely help
organizations
, they can make tangible contributions that few groups can make. For proponents of
celebrities
 supporting international
aid
organizations
, with their massive fan base, they can easily mobilize many
people
 to draw
attention
 to
problems
 that
organizations
 are tackling. Many high-end brands pay
celebrities
 up to hundreds of or even thousands of dollars to invite them to show up in their advertisements, which
well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
demonstrates their great power to draw public
attention
. When the power of
celebrities
 is put
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 legitimate use, it can encourage countless
people
 to take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
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, empowering
organizations
 to deal with
problems
.
People
 oppose the idea of
celebrities
 supporting international
aid
organizations
 mainly because of the possibility that they will draw more public
attention
 to themselves,
instead
 of the
problems
organizations
 are tackling, which should be the focus of public discussions. These opponents are concerned about
celebrities
 using international
aid
organizations
 as mere tools to boost their own popularity,
thus
 diminishing
attention
 to the
problems
instead
. Despite the fact that
celebrities
’ power might be misused, I still believe that
celebrities
 can make meaningful and unique contributions to international
aid
organizations
, so far as they genuinely want to do so. Many fans truly look up to their idols and want to imitate what they do.
Hence
,
celebrities
 are capable of setting a morally respectable example to the public so that more
people
 will follow suit and help
organizations
 deal with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dire social
problems
.
Submitted by 2732806430 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorse
  • international aid organizations
  • public awareness
  • amplify
  • advocacy
  • systemic change
  • oversimplification
  • trivialization
  • undermining
  • severity
  • misinformed advocacy
  • distorts
  • hamper
  • guided by experts
  • constructive
  • strategically
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