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Band 5

Some people prefer to relax by doing physical activities, while others choose mental activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #activities
Health is the most essential part for every human being, So few individuals urge that physical exercises are tending to calm them
in contrast
, other
people
 say
mind
 exercises are really helpful to have mental well-being. In
this
 essay, I will
dicuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
statements and provide my opinion as well.
Firstly
, Doing physical
activities
 made our
mind
 and body very energetic. Nowadays,
people
 after having their hectic work schedule they tend
have
Add the particle
to have
show examples
 some kind of physical
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
 which make them to drenched in sweat and have a
full body
Add a hyphen
full-body
show examples
 workout session.
Inaddition
Correct your spelling
In addition
, these kinds of
activities
 really
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
people
 get fit and
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 to reduce unwanted
cholestrol
Correct your spelling
cholesterol
 levels. In
this
generation
Add a comma
,generation
show examples
people
 are suffering from obesity especially young teens they are having huge
chuncks
Correct your spelling
chunks
 of junk foods so
this
 makes them look obese and overweight.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, children are suffering from various health issues. By
this
, every individual should
make
Correct your spelling
take
show examples
 some time to involve in different workouts.
Secondly
, Even
mind
 exercises are really important because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Everyday
mind
need
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needs
show examples
 to process a million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
thoughts and make them execute. To increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
brain efficiency one
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to do
activities
 like yoga and meditation for
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 an hour. So that, our
mind
 will be able to concentrate more and able to cope up new things.
For instance
, One of my
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is very bad at studies because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 he was not able to work on
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
any thing
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
 properly. So we suggested
him
Correct pronoun usage
he
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
join the meditation classes near
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his community. After that gradually we noticed a change in him. He started to show more interest in
studies
Correct pronoun usage
his studies
show examples
. Sonner his marks got improved.
Also
, he started to learn piano.
By
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
way
Add a comma
,way
show examples
mind
activities
 will play a crucial role in everyone's life. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, I discussed
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 both the statements like how they are important. In my opinion, Both physical and mental
activities
are really play
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really play
show examples
major
Add an article
a major
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 role in every individual life.
Submitted by aakanksha.donthireddy on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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