In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work, and communicate online without any face-to-face contact with other people. Is this a positive or negative development?

#world #shop #work #contact #people #development

Nowadays, we can do our everyday tasks at

home

, while needn't take a single step outside using the internet. To my point of view,

this

phenomenon can bring both advantages and

disadvantage

Fix the agreement mistake

disadvantages

show examples

. To cover our basic needs at

home

will make our

life

easier.

For instance

, staying at

home

means that transportation is unnecessary and grooming becomes much less significant;

as a result

, we'll

safe

Replace the word

save

show examples

some money.

Furthermore

, when working at

home

, we feel much more confident and relaxed, which will result in higher efficiency and salary as well. Another good point is that online markets have every domestic

products

Change to a singular noun

product

show examples

we need. With just a single tap, our goods will be delivered within a few minutes. All of

this

means we have much more quality time to spend with our loved ones.

However

, a shut-in

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

life style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

will degrade our

life

slowly but steady. A major downside is

psychological

Change the article

a psychological

show examples

damage

bacause

Correct your spelling

because

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

, we need constant direct contact with someone else. If being isolated for a long time, our brain will emit

substance

Fix the agreement mistake

substances

show examples

which

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

will make us feel pain, depressed and urge to contact

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

other

Correct pronoun usage

others

show examples

As a result

, we are likely to commit

self destruction

Add a hyphen

self-destruction

show examples

if proper actions were not taken. Even worse, the more comfortable

life

is, the lazier we

becomes

Change the verb form

become

show examples

. An example is kids in modern time can play games for several hours but become irritated when it comes to

Correct your spelling

housework

show examples

house work

Correct your spelling

housework

show examples

or study. To conclude, technology can bring many advantages but if we grow to depend too much on them, we might accidentally harm ourselves.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

259 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work, and communicate online without any face-to-face contact with other people. Is this a positive or negative development?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

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Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outwiegh the disadvantages?

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?