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Band 4

Some people prefer to relax by doing physical activities, while others choose mental activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #activities
It is argued by some that the best relaxation occurs for them by
exersise
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exercise
 their bodies ,
whilest
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whilst
while
 some of them work with developing brain
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
. Body gesture
help
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helps
show examples
people
 to have
a positive energy others
Correct the article-noun agreement
positive energy other
show examples
 say that mental skills
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more sufficient. I strongly agree that mental
activites
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activities
activity
 can
acheive
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achieve
 a good performance. Young
people
 nowadays join
jym
Correct your spelling
gym
 in order to down their stress and to exchange negative feeling with
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 one. At the weekend employee have a special desire to change their routine . At the same
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 they want to build their bones. A good example of
this
 is my father who
engage
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engages
show examples
 in a club at the end of the week. He
Correct your spelling
thought
show examples
though
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thought
show examples
this
 might
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 him comfortable and out of daily works.
However
 , It seemed
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 others that
mentaly
Correct your spelling
mentally
mental
 improvement in humans life is better to have a good time . What I mean
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
this
 is that
people
 tried to rebuild their mindset to acquire a sense of
satisifaction
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satisfaction
 .
For example
 , many
government
Change to a plural noun
governments
show examples
 now pay
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong
attentions
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attention
show examples
into
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to
show examples
humen
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human
 being internal abilities to deal with the need of the
sourounded
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surrounded
 world. Because the human mindset
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the ability to change the world. In conclusion , a group of
people
 are exercising physically to get
Correct your spelling
rid
show examples
ride
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rid
show examples
 of negative attitude and others care more on mental ability which they think is much significant . In my
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 I think that improving
Correct article usage
the
show examples
brain is more
capatical
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capital
 than body
strenght
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strength
.
Submitted by alghafryhna on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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