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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced?

#people #levels #violence #films
Violent scenes in the
film
 industry appear more and more and it becomes
actual
Correct article usage
an actual
show examples
 theme over the
world
.
This
 essay will examine
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 inclusion of
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 episodes
damage
Correct pronoun usage
that damage
show examples
psychologically
Correct article usage
the psychologically
show examples
 and mentally sides of
audience
Add an article
the audience
an audience
show examples
 by increasing criminals in our life and
possible
Change the adjective
possibly
show examples
 overcome
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 social
problem
 by introducing strict rules and
declaim
Wrong verb form
declaiming
show examples
 the cinematographers with
this
 type of unusual thing.
Firstly
,
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 scenes can change your thoughts and feelings for
this
 disgusting action.
Thus
, it will change your mentality and harm your normal psychology,
then
, you will think that
abuse
Wrong verb form
abusing
show examples
 someone is normal
standards
Fix the agreement mistake
standard
show examples
 of the
world
. There are great numbers of moviegoers and they take all emotional actions
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
near their heart. The possible overcome of
this
problem
 is changing rules for accepting a
film
 to show the premiere of the
film
 to the viewers. If you add some strict rules, you will gain
movie
Correct article usage
a movie
show examples
 without unusable moments.
Secondly
,
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
appearance
Correct article usage
the appearance
show examples
 of
violence
 led to
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
number of criminals in our society and it will have a danger for innocent people. In fact, everyone
dream
Change the verb form
dreams
show examples
 about a life which introduces in the
film
.
Nevertheless
, films don’t show only
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 sides of our life and several unnecessary episodes which can abuse
demonstrate
Wrong verb form
demonstrated
show examples
 in the films.
Subsequently
, people want to repeat actions in the
film
. Unfortunately, sometimes there are high levels of
violence
. The possible solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
given
Correct article usage
the given
show examples
problem
 is declaiming the projects of authors and it can decrease the level of criminal over the
world
. To conclude, the major
world
problem
 of
film
Add an article
the film
show examples
 industry is
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 degree of
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 moments in movies of modern projects and effecting negatively to audience’s mind.
This
problem
 can be partly alleviated by adding
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 rigorous examination for all works. I will certainly use it if it was introduced in my area.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitization
  • empathy
  • aggressive behaviors
  • imitation
  • antisocial behavior
  • normalization
  • climate of fear
  • perceptions
  • mental health
  • aggression
  • emotional regulation
  • trauma-related symptoms
  • age ratings
  • critical viewing skills
  • nonviolent entertainment
  • film industry
  • regulate
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