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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that children should receive formal training at school on how to be good parents in the future. Do you agree or disagree with this statement??

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Generally thought that being
father
Correct article usage
a father
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 and mother
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 not an easy deal. From my point of view being a good parent requires knowledge. Having education about parenting is crucial for children
due to
Linking Words
 the fact of receiving the idea of the right image of a balanced family and
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
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 a strong generation. It is known that people prepare to pass any kind of exam,
then
Linking Words
 being a father and mother
also
Linking Words
 demands preparation.
For example
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, perhaps not every child is upbringing in a quite good family.
Consequently
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, it will cause
on
Change preposition
apply
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emotional and psychological health negatively unless it has an appropriate vision of a healthy family from childhood.
Thus
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, training at school on good parenting might save the mental health of schoolchildren. It is claimed that the learning of offspring in early-stage left in their mind for
whole
Correct pronoun usage
their whole
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. If students got acquainted with toddler and parent relationships, it would possibly influence the upcoming generation.
For instance
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, parenting education might help to avoid an early divorce.
Additionally
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, reduce the number of rejecting from children. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the responsibility of doing infant and the ways of upbringing their behaviour and as a socially acceptable person no more would be the unknown theme for students.
To conclude
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, training schoolchildren
on
Change preposition
in
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 quite excellent parenting helps to increase
overall
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 the state of the country.
Also
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,
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
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 the number of disasters
concerned to family
Replace the word
concerning families
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.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should take into consideration the implementation of
such
Linking Words
 a subject
otherwise
Linking Words
 the situation never changes. The core value that gives the subject is happiness. There is no doubt that a healthy relationship stands as a pillar of a happy life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, youth and a father or a mother relation is the most valuable.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are logically organized and connected throughout the essay
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