Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this?

#children #games #reason #violence #crime #cities #world

There is no doubt these days violent

games

play a vital role in our child's routine. The question is, the violent

games

are the reason for the increasing number of crimes in the most important cities around the world? In

this

essay, I am going to discuss that issue and draw my own opinion. In terms of the positive side, do you think will

children

when they play aggressive

games

sometimes considered to be good things. The main reason given to support

this

claim is that

Change preposition

apply

show examples

playing

violence

Replace the word

violent

show examples

game

promote the

children

to enhance their way of thinking. To illustrate, if a person plays

games

and he/she tries to find solutions to the

game

, it will promote the brand to be more creative.

In other words

, the cells of the brain will be trained to act effectively under pressure.

However

on the other hand

, concern with the

game

violence

result in a criminal act.

Firstly

, there is no doubt that

violence

Replace the word

violent

show examples

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

had an influence on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

's behaviour.

In other words

, people have aged less than 15 years old tend to imitate other people particularly if it is aggressive.

Secondly

, playing

games

promoting

violence

result

Add the preposition

inresult

fromresult

show examples

the

children

to be

Change the verb form

being

show examples

introvert

Wrong verb form

introverted

show examples

This

is because when they

playing

Wrong verb form

play

show examples

several times, especially if they playing video

games

, just sitting in front of the TV. In conclusion,

although

the benefit that comes from violent

games

, disadvantages

Add a missing verb

are more

show examples

than the advantages. In my point of view, I believe that the number of crimes increased due to somewhat aggressive

games

for

children

Submitted by besho0h on Sat Oct 30 2021

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Aome people like to try new things , for example, places to visit and types of food. other people prefer to keep doing things they are familiar with. discuss both these attitudes and give your own opinion

More and more people around the world are learning English as a second or foreign language, even in countries where it is not used in daily life. What are the advantages and disadvantages to this?

Some parents buy their kids a large number of toys to play with.What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having large numbers of toys.

Nowadays getting a job is becoming harder in poor countries leading to a rise in unemployment. Some people believe that pupils should only be allowed to access primary education while others believe that secondary education is necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?