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Band 5.5

Animal species are becoming extinct as a result of human activities on land and in sea. Why has this happened? What’s the solution?

#species #activities #land #sea #what’s
It is undeniable that many terrestrial and marine
animals
 are now in danger of extinction because of human activities. Various factors have brought about
this
 situation, and solutions must be found and implemented urgently. There are several reasons why
animals
 are now dying out. The main reason is that people kill
animals
 for food and fur. In fact, lots of
animals
 are killed for economic b
enefit,
Change the noun form
benefits
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such
 as elephants with their ivory. The other cause is the pollution from human beings.
In other words
, factories discharge toxic waste into the river, beach and
this
 leads to the death of many aquatic
animals
.
Last
 but not least, deforestation, people cutting down forests to build houses.
This
 causes lots of
animals
 to lose their homes and have no place to live. Many measures should be taken by the government to tackle the disappearance of animal species.
To begin
 with,
firstly
, the government should release strict laws to prevent poaching. It means that severe penalties for animal hunting cases will be conducted to ensure the safety of terrestrial and aquatic
animals
. B
eside,
Replace the word
Besides
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 the other way is to bring rare
animals
 to the zoo to raise and create more wildlife reserves.
This
 solution would help us preserve the breed of rare
animals
 and protect
animals
 from dangers.
Finally
, a
Add an article
the authority
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uthority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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should create many captive breeding programmes. By doing
this
, we could let people know about the urgent problem of wildlife and things to do to prevent t
he e
Correct article usage
apply
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xtinction. In conclusion, there are main contributors to the extinction of
animals
 on land and in s
ea,
Add an article
the sea
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 and several measures are suggested to the authority to put an end to the situation
Submitted by Andy on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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