IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people work long hours, having very little time for leisure activities. Does the situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
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Nowadays a majority of people are working for long, due to the reason, they have
negligible
Add an article
a negligible
show examples
 amount of
time
Use synonyms
 to enjoy having fun. In my view, they would face with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plenty of downsides in their life in near future,even though, some undeniable merits exist,perhaps the minus points outweigh to
advatages
Correct your spelling
advantages
. I would point in
this
Linking Words
 essay. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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benefits of mentioned issue, the prime one is that
,
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apply
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 they could earn more than others of their peers.
Although
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,
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apply
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 it is not the fact all the
time
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, the point is; if a person works more than others, he/she might get more than
them
Correct your spelling
the
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 most of the
time
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.
For instance
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, according to numerous interviews done by Russian socialists, some factories
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 tend to
working
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work
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 almost all
day
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 cuz to be paid better,
as a
Linking Words
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
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 they can enjoy more welfare and
furtune
Correct your spelling
fortune
furniture
 in their homes. The
second
Linking Words
 merit is that
,
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apply
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 they would become a master in that field as they work significantly so they probably gain proper experiences which can enable them to run their own business.
For example
Linking Words
, researchers in Moscow found that some ordinary carpenters who have worked for twelve
hours
Use synonyms
 each
day
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, after six months turned to skilled carpenters who now manage their own
makerts
Correct your spelling
markets
. Turning to
downsides
Correct article usage
the downsides
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 of being busy most of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
day
Use synonyms
, the
first
Linking Words
 minus point might be lead to mental health problems
such
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 as anxiety or depression. According to Iranian
psycholists
Correct your spelling
psychologists
, some after having tough
hours
Use synonyms
 every
day
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 for a long
time
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, who could not find
time
Use synonyms
 for
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 activities, and under
pressure
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the pressure
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 of job
atmosphere
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,atmosphere
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 they felt nervous because they have to accomplish their job before a given deadline. The other withdraw is that many people can encounter
with
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apply
show examples
physical issues. A study
done
Add the auxiliary verb
was done
show examples
 by Iranian
phyicians
Correct your spelling
physicians
, nations who are used
working
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to working
show examples
 for long
hours
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 are far more porn to get mobility problems in the future than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 have normal working
hours
Use synonyms
. To conclude, not having enough
time
Use synonyms
 for recreational activities can lead to a number of difficulties which are named above,
However
Linking Words
, it brings some merits, the negative points took precedence over their benefits.
Submitted by Nasi Mari on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: