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Band 4.5

Tourism is an ever growing industry. What benefits do you think tourism brings to individuals and society?

#tourism #industry #individuals #society
Many factors are part of the
country
 economy, one of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 factors is tourism.
This
 activity is one of the greatest economical activities that
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 incomes. Tourism always brings benefits for society and individuals, because
this
 type of industry demands a lot of services like transportation,
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
, food,
consumming
Correct your spelling
consuming
 goods, services.
Therefore
 it helps to develop
other type
Change the wording
another type
other types
show examples
 of working activities
arround
Correct your spelling
around
 them. A lot of
people
 can work,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 a particular person doesn't have a career or be a specialist, that person can start
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 level and by obtaining experience, could become an expert. Nowadays is common that
people
 not only look for a beach
desstiny
Correct your spelling
destiny
 vacations, now the visitors want to live
a well-experienced travel
Remove the article
well-experienced travel
a well-experienced journey
a well-experienced trip
show examples
.
That is
 the reason that many sites or places that offer
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of experiences are growing so fast,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 the glamping travels.
That is
 a mix between doing camping in a beautiful
ladscape
Correct your spelling
landscape
 and doing with all the luxury services like
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a bed and an individual shower;
withouth
Correct your spelling
without
 suffering the mosquito's bites. Tourism not only helps with economical incomes
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
, helps to spread the word of the
country
's
atractions
Correct your spelling
attractions
attraction
 to others to visit, by
this
 recommendations helps to increase the
people
 who want to experience the same trip. The
continuos
Correct your spelling
continuous
show examples
travelers'
Change the spelling
travellers'
show examples
 visits
ensures
Change the verb form
ensure
show examples
 jobs for the
comunnity
Correct your spelling
community
 and it benefits all the persons. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 it is an important activity to develop in any
country
 and represents good incomes, and
also
 gives information about the specific place or
country
.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 we can see a transformation in the actual
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
show examples
neccesities
Correct your spelling
necessities
 of the
people
 and how the industry is transforming. The good
Correct your spelling
news
show examples
new
Correct your spelling
news
show examples
 is that
this
 sector never will end and ensures jobs in the future.
Submitted by salmaraz on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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