IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Juveniles should be tried as adults. How far do you agree?

#juveniles #adults
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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days
Change to a genitive case
day's
show examples
 many youngsters are making a lot of criminals. It is very sad that
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of criminal young people are increasing every time. Let’s try to answer for request ,why
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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 are becoming
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a crime? In my
opinions
Fix the agreement mistake
opinion
show examples
 it is
cause
Add an article
the cause
a cause
show examples
 of
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
 upbringing of parents, having awful friends, watching films with bad manners, playing games which
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 adults
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
get
as
Change preposition
into
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
murder. Personally, I strongly defend the idea that it is true to judge them and give
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them punishment according to their level of crimes. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 it is not fair to give big punishment for that minor
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have done crime as stealing or fighting with somebody. Notably, I allow the dismiss for
minor
Fix the agreement mistake
minors
show examples
 who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 killed somebody
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
. Murders must be punished no matter what kind of age they have.
For example
, the terrible murder of
Junko
 Furuta, who lived 44 days in hell.
Junko
 was a beautiful girl with
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 manner. The terrible boy with the name Hiroshi Miyano asked
Junko
 to be his friend and go out with him. But
Junko
 declined his offer,
this
 made him furious.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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