The international retail company you work for is concerned about the performance of its New York store. Your line manager has asked you to write a proposal making recommendations for the store’s future. Look at the information in the image, on which you have already made some notes. Then, using all your notes, write your proposal.

#company #work #performance #york #store #line #manager #recommendations #store’s #future #information #image #notes

Dear New York

stock

manager, I am a manager of an international retail company. I write

this

letter to tell you that I am concerned about the performance of product sales in New York

stock

. Your

stock

is in a very good location but the performance is not good so we made the decision that if your

stock

does not improve the sales in 3 months, we would have to close it. To avoid the worst-case scenario, we have some suggestions for you.

First

, your company’s operating costs are too high.

Therefore

you can reduce the staff at times when is not the golden hour frame.

Secondly

, you need to decorate the

stock

more brilliantly and eye-catching.

Also

, make more sales events or give gifts, vouchers to attract more customers. I hope my opinions will help your

stock

to develop more in the future. Sincerely,

Submitted by Debbieng27.12 on Tue Nov 02 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

10 paragraphs

145 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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