IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, belive that school is the place to learn this.

#people #parents #children #members #society #belive #school #place
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Children
Use synonyms
 need a lot of attention from both
society
Use synonyms
 and
parents
Use synonyms
 to be good members of
society
Use synonyms
. The
second
Linking Words
 home for
children
Use synonyms
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 and they spend most of their time in
school
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 have a great impact on
children
Use synonyms
, but it has some consequences which will be demonstrated in the following. It is obvious that parent has the most effect on their offspring. A good parent which cares about their
children
Use synonyms
, probably find a way or create
one
Use synonyms
 to show and teach their kids to be effective in
society
Use synonyms
. But if
parents
Use synonyms
 don’t care about their
children
Use synonyms
, it is less possible for to
children
Use synonyms
 be effective as ones whose parent has taken care
themof
Correct your spelling
them of
them
them off
.
Schools
Use synonyms
 as the most important place for a kid who spends most of
one
Use synonyms
’s time in it
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has a great role in the
one
Use synonyms
 confidence, behaviour and even career. A kid with a good background from his or her family can use the facilities of the
school
Use synonyms
 very well to be successful and more confident. The problem with
schools
Use synonyms
 inevitably is they use
one
Use synonyms
 rule for all
students
Use synonyms
 with different families.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in the best way, it produces some
students
Use synonyms
 with the same knowledge, and behaviour.
Schools
Use synonyms
 kill creativity most of the time. It’s like military service. Most of the
students
Use synonyms
 after graduation from the
school
Use synonyms
 do not know what should they do.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 short essay, I can say
parents
Use synonyms
 have more responsibilities to grow their kids. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand,
schools
Use synonyms
 teach
students
Use synonyms
 to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good, effective and hard workers in
society
Use synonyms
, and
on the other hand
Linking Words
, they kill creativity. Good
parents
Use synonyms
 by knowing their kids’ talents can invest in them to make them
a more effective members
Correct the article-noun agreement
more effective members
a more effective member
show examples
 of
society
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by poooria on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: