IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Do you agree to Nelson Mandela’s quote (education is the most powerful weapon for changing the world)

#nelson #mandela’s #education #weapon #world
In recent years, some people think that
education
 is the most important material for improving the
world
 because there are a lot of benefits for the
world
.
On the other hand
, someone may believe that study is unnecessary for developing the
world
. From my perspective, I strongly believe that
education
 is the most powerful weapon for changing the future in these areas. It is generally accepted that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals believe that educated people who can communicate in another language can develop the
companies
.
Firstly
, if students have language skills they can help the
companies
 to communicate with the foreign
companies
 because there are a lot of contacts for
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 to work together.
For instance
, a company wants to deal to sell some goods with
Add an article
a foreigner
show examples
foreigner
Fix the agreement mistake
foreigners
show examples
 but they do not have any employers who can speak other languages, so they have to accept the workers who can communicate in
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of languages.
Moreover
, if the managers have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
contact with global
companies
,
such
 as Amazon, they will have a lot of chances and benefits to
changing
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
 the countries. It is generally acknowledged that if many pupils around the
world
 have
education
Add an article
an education
show examples
 it will improve their skills that able to change the global
for example
, sport skill and Technology skill.
Secondly
, there are so many adults that can improve the global nowadays because they have much knowledge from their school or University. To illustrate, currently, it is a digital
world
 and it will develop from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young age who will have that knowledge to expand the systems and it can be a new digital thing that can change the cities.
In addition
, some adolescents think that in the future it will be a new
world
 if there are enough educated people. All in all, there are both advantages and disadvantages to discussing
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
education
 that can change global, From my point of view, I agree with Nelson Mandela’s quote.
Submitted by Kookkikpamika on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: