IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #food #government #tax
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I would mention that I completely disagree with
this
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 idea and believe that there are plenty of factors that prevent
government
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the government
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 to impose a higher tax to reduce the production and consumption of these
foods
Use synonyms
.
First
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 of
all
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,all
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 it’s indispensable for us to look back to
genesis
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the genesis
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 of fast
foods
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 during
this
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 century. The kind of
foods
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people
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 consume has changed over time because of dramatic changes in lifestyle. During the past
decades
Add a comma
,decades
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mega cities
Correct your spelling
megacities
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 have appeared and rural areas have become smaller than
the
Change preposition
in the
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 past.
As a
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result
Add a comma
,result
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people
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 migrate to cities to find a job in developed areas with
a
Remove the article
apply
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plenty of factories and job opportunities. Considering the fact that
people
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 in big cities are as busy as a bee to afford the cost of living,
therefore
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 they don’t have sufficient time to devote to
prepare
Wrong verb form
preparing
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 healthy
foods
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 on a regular basis,so eating fast
foods
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 become popular.
Secondly
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 decreasing the population of rural
people
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 and covering the lands of villages to urban areas causes the shortage of cultivating organic
foods
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therefore
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 it is impossible to prepare enough organic
foods
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.
Finally
Linking Words
 one of the biggest industries in the world is
food
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the food
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 industry and many economies have incomes from their food industry. So imposing
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further
Add an article
a further
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 tax on fast
foods
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 may have harmful effects on economical factors and the quality of life of
huge
Change the article
a huge
the huge
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 number of
people
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 who work on it. To conclude, l strongly believe that there are plenty of things that government can do to control the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of fast
foods
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 eat
instead
Linking Words
 of taxation on them.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overconsumption
  • Chronic diseases
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Cardiovascular health
  • Sin tax
  • Subsidize
  • Affordability
  • Nutritional awareness
  • Paternalism
  • Socio-economic disparities
  • Industry lobbying
  • Public health initiatives
  • Consumer behavior
  • Regulatory measures
  • Health-conscious
  • Processed foods
  • Fiscal policy
  • Preventative healthcare
  • Behavioral economics
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