IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #food #government #tax
I would mention that I completely disagree with
this
 idea and believe that there are plenty of factors that prevent
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to impose a higher tax to reduce the production and consumption of these
foods
.
First
 of
all
Add a comma
,all
show examples
 it’s indispensable for us to look back to
genesis
Add an article
the genesis
show examples
 of fast
foods
 during
this
 century. The kind of
foods
people
 consume has changed over time because of dramatic changes in lifestyle. During the past
decades
Add a comma
,decades
show examples
mega cities
Correct your spelling
megacities
show examples
 have appeared and rural areas have become smaller than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
people
 migrate to cities to find a job in developed areas with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of factories and job opportunities. Considering the fact that
people
 in big cities are as busy as a bee to afford the cost of living,
therefore
 they don’t have sufficient time to devote to
prepare
Wrong verb form
preparing
show examples
 healthy
foods
 on a regular basis,so eating fast
foods
 become popular.
Secondly
 decreasing the population of rural
people
 and covering the lands of villages to urban areas causes the shortage of cultivating organic
foods
therefore
 it is impossible to prepare enough organic
foods
.
Finally
 one of the biggest industries in the world is
food
Add an article
the food
show examples
 industry and many economies have incomes from their food industry. So imposing
further
Add an article
a further
show examples
 tax on fast
foods
 may have harmful effects on economical factors and the quality of life of
huge
Change the article
a huge
the huge
show examples
 number of
people
 who work on it. To conclude, l strongly believe that there are plenty of things that government can do to control the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of fast
foods
people
 eat
instead
 of taxation on them.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overconsumption
  • Chronic diseases
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Cardiovascular health
  • Sin tax
  • Subsidize
  • Affordability
  • Nutritional awareness
  • Paternalism
  • Socio-economic disparities
  • Industry lobbying
  • Public health initiatives
  • Consumer behavior
  • Regulatory measures
  • Health-conscious
  • Processed foods
  • Fiscal policy
  • Preventative healthcare
  • Behavioral economics
What to do next:
Look at other essays: