Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance

Nowadays there are various causes of success in our lives. Some

people

think that working hard and determination make

life

successful, whereas others believe that

money

and

appearance

which were

showed

Wrong verb form

shown

show examples

directly bring fascinating

life

. In

this

essay, I will compare both points of view and explain why the former is

important

Add an article

an important

show examples

factor. Obviously, there are some reasons why

people

think that much

money

and having

great

Correct article usage

a great

show examples

appearance

make

life

successful.

Firstly

, being rich is

perfect

Add an article

the perfect

a perfect

show examples

life

. Buying luxury goods, cars and living in a fascinating house indicates the wealth of

people

Secondly

people

who have great

appearance

can be celebrities easily. Recently many

people

become influencers by SNS applications

such

as Facebook, Instagram or YouTube. It makes a lot of

money

Change preposition

for

show examples

them and

also

they can get

reputation

Add an article

a reputation

the reputation

show examples

Nevertheless

, I contend that hard

working

Replace the word

work

show examples

and determination make

successful

Add an article

a successful

show examples

life

. Foremost, achievement from working diligently can bring confidence.

For example

people

whose

life

value

is succeed

Change the verb form

is succeeded

is succeeding

show examples

in their jobs,

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

would think

money

is not vital.

Besides

, they can be satisfied by getting passion. It is necessary to have

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

show examples

passion for employing.

Furthermore

, even if they achieve perfect results from works, they would think that it is successful because of being pleased to get

self confidence

Add a hyphen

self-confidence

show examples

Correct your spelling

and

show examples

intense. In conclusion,

although

money

and

appearance

can bring successful

life

hard

Correct your spelling

hardworking

show examples

working

Replace the word

work

show examples

and determination are important factors rather than external images.

Submitted by hongpepe124 on Sun Nov 07 2021

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

231 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

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Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Word Count

many people aresupportive of the opinion that young children should study at home , because there are so many problems in schools nowadays. to what extent do you agree?

In many countries governments are investigating in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think is an appropriate use of government money?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Art classes such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree?