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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance
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Nowadays there are various causes of success in our lives. Some
people
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 think that working hard and determination make
life
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 successful, whereas others believe that
money
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 and
appearance
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 which were
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
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 directly bring fascinating
life
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. In
this
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 essay, I will compare both points of view and explain why the former is
important
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an important
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 factor. Obviously, there are some reasons why
people
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 think that much
money
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 and having
great
Correct article usage
a great
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appearance
Use synonyms
 make
life
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 successful.
Firstly
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, being rich is
perfect
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the perfect
a perfect
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life
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. Buying luxury goods, cars and living in a fascinating house indicates the wealth of
people
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.
Secondly
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,
people
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 who have great
appearance
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 can be celebrities easily. Recently many
people
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 become influencers by SNS applications
such
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 as Facebook, Instagram or YouTube. It makes a lot of
money
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to
Change preposition
for
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 them and
also
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 they can get
reputation
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a reputation
the reputation
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.
Nevertheless
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, I contend that hard
working
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work
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 and determination make
successful
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a successful
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life
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. Foremost, achievement from working diligently can bring confidence.
For example
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,
people
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 whose
life
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 value
is succeed
Change the verb form
is succeeded
is succeeding
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 in their jobs,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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would think
money
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 is not vital.
Besides
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, they can be satisfied by getting passion. It is necessary to have
healthy
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a healthy
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 passion for employing.
Furthermore
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, even if they achieve perfect results from works, they would think that it is successful because of being pleased to get
self confidence
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self-confidence
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an
Correct your spelling
and
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 intense. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
money
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 and
appearance
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 can bring successful
life
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,
hard
Correct your spelling
hardworking
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working
Replace the word
work
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 and determination are important factors rather than external images.
Submitted by hongpepe124 on

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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