IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today parents spend little free time with their children. Why is it the case? Who are more affected: parents or children?

#parents #time #children #case
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There is a controversial perspective heating a debate over the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
time
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 spend with their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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 currently. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to critically discuss a major reason leading to
this
Linking Words
 reality and show who will be affected considerably. Obviously, from the
time
Use synonyms
 being, most
parents
Use synonyms
 do not spend much
time
Use synonyms
 with their kids as they attempt to work with a view to ameliorating their
children
Use synonyms
’s living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
. In specific, the living cost is higher and higher especially in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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megacities where
the
Correct article usage
apply
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exorbitant technology is popular,
hence
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 have to put effort to work over the clock to earn handsome income, which can meet kids
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is not rare to see a poor man living in a big city work over twelve hours a day to earn sufficient money so he can have enough ability to pay school fees for his
children
Use synonyms
. It is undeniable that due to financial
burden
Fix the agreement mistake
burdens
show examples
, most
parents
Use synonyms
 have a hectic schedule, which results in a lack of
time
Use synonyms
 caring for their
children
Use synonyms
. While the main reason is widely acknowledged,
children
Use synonyms
 are discernibly affected by
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
Children
Use synonyms
, who are vulnerable and lack cognitive ability, can easily be injured if
parents
Use synonyms
 do not impart them carefully.
For example
Linking Words
, with the popularity of media, it is not difficult for
children
Use synonyms
, who are digital
native
Fix the agreement mistake
natives
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, undeliberately watch some programmes not suitable for their age
such
Linking Words
 as a detailed description of a criminal which
have
Change the verb form
has
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 a radical effect on
children
Use synonyms
’s awareness and may arouse violence in them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, to help
children
Use synonyms
 have a comprehensive preparation before their maturity,
parents
Use synonyms
 had better have taken notice of them since they are toddlers. All in all,
financial
Add an article
the financial
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 burden is the main cause in making
parents
Use synonyms
 have less
time
Use synonyms
 with their offspring.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should manage their
time
Use synonyms
 well to avoid impacting the growing process of
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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