IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children.

Some people argue that reading
books
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 are more beneficial than watching television or video
games
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. I completely agree with the idea that
children
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 should spend most of their time o
n r
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apply
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eading
books
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. On the one hand, I believe that those kids who read
books
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 on t
he
Correct article usage
a
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daily basis definitely will gain a lot of knowledge ranging from history, geography, cultures, art... which could benefit f
or t
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apply
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hem at school or later on. My brother,
for example
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, has been absorbing a numerous amount of knowledge from reading
books
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 since he was five. He has participated in lots of knowledge competitions and won a number of prizes.
Besides
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, stimulating
children
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' imagination is another benefit c
omes
Correct pronoun usage
that comes
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from reading
books
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 since they can imagine vividly the characters, nature, culture... in that book, which is really useful in some of a
rt
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the art
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forms in p
articularly,
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particular
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 and in creativity in general.
On the other hand
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, spending so much time o
n p
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apply
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laying computer
games
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 or watching television negatively affect
children
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' b
ehavior.
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behaviour
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Firstly
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, gaming is highly addictive and appealing to
children
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 because they get applauses and a
nother levels
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another level
other levels
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to take part in more and more often and they try to reach that goal.
This
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 type of addiction may have e
Add an article
an effect
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ffect
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effects
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ranging from lack of sleep, sacrificing homework to playing more hours.
Secondly
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, more serious illnesses come with
this
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 addiction. Many
children
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 sit hours playing
games
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 may skip their meals or eat fast food which results in several serious illnesses like heart disease, visual problems, digestive disorder... In conclusion, I strongly believe that kids should focus on reading
books
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 in their free time
instead
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 of playing video
games
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 or watching television.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Imagination
  • Visualization
  • Complex vocabulary
  • Sentence structure
  • Focus
  • Concentration
  • Passive activity
  • Interactive activity
  • Gratification
  • Diverse perspectives
  • Cultural perspective
  • Historical perspective
  • Attention span
  • Educational enrichment
  • Cognitive development
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