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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The uses of social media, such as Facebook, Twitter, are replacing face-to-face contact in this century. Do you think the advantages of this way outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #facebook #twitter #contact #century
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Technology is intervening in all sectors nowadays
due to
 its advancements.Earlier there used to be direct communication between
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people but now with the development of many social ,applications face-to-face contact is decreased .In my opinion ,
this
 is not a good practice.
This
 essay will
further
 elaborate on the negative effects of
this
 trend and see how the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. There are myriad reasons which will
further
 explain
this
 argument but the most preponderant one stems from the fact that the bond between persons may deteriorate in the course of time if they don't have a real conversation.Most individuals are addicted to posting their personal pictures,
videos
Correct word choice
and videos
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 on Facebook,
Instagram
Correct word choice
and Instagram
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 and are spending a considerable amount of time on them.
As a result
,folks are detaching from their loved ones.
For instance
,a couple spending the most time on social media applications like Twitter,
Snapchat
Correct word choice
and Snapchat
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 tend to have a weak bond and their relationship may not
last
 long.
Hence
, the majority of society is against
this
 trend. Probing ahead,another disadvantage is that virtual communication is not as effective as real communication.Everyone is
focussing
Correct your spelling
focusing
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 on the advantages of social media and
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 paying less attention to its side effects.
Although
 with the help of social
platforms
Add a comma
platforms,
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 many crimes are solved,there are many lawless activities done through them.
For example
,there are many complaints of profile hacking by hackers,who misuse the data of others.
Therefore
,the public is afraid of using
such
 platforms these days and is creating a fearful atmosphere.
To conclude
,there are some acceptable benefits of these mobile applications but the drawbacks are heavy when compared
as
Change preposition
to
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 physical interaction is more effective,beneficial,fruitful and is likely to strengthen bonds.It is acceptable to have a connectionless talk in some tough times but everyone must find a date to have a real meeting rather than through mobiles.
Submitted by rameshchanndra801 on

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt but could further develop the discussion on whether the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages. Include a balanced analysis of both sides.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve coherence and cohesion, work on linking ideas more effectively within and between paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
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