The uses of social media, such as Facebook, Twitter, are replacing face-to-face contact in this century. Do you think the advantages of this way outweigh the disadvantages?

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Technology is intervening in all sectors nowadays
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

its advancements.Earlier there used to be direct communication between
the
Correct article usage
apply

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people but now with the development of many social ,applications face-to-face contact is decreased .In my opinion ,
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is not a good practice.
This
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay will
further
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

elaborate on the negative effects of
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

trend and see how the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. There are myriad reasons which will
further
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

explain
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

argument but the most preponderant one stems from the fact that the bond between persons may deteriorate in the course of time if they don't have a real conversation.Most individuals are addicted to posting their personal pictures,
videos
Correct word choice
and videos

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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on Facebook,
Instagram
Correct word choice
and Instagram

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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and are spending a considerable amount of time on them.
As a result
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,folks are detaching from their loved ones.
For instance
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,a couple spending the most time on social media applications like Twitter,
Snapchat
Correct word choice
and Snapchat

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tend to have a weak bond and their relationship may not
last
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

long.
Hence
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the majority of society is against
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

trend. Probing ahead,another disadvantage is that virtual communication is not as effective as real communication.Everyone is
focussing
Correct your spelling
focusing

The word focussing doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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on the advantages of social media and
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is

It seems that the verb are does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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paying less attention to its side effects.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with the help of social
platforms
Add a comma
platforms,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase with the help of social platforms. Consider adding a comma.

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many crimes are solved,there are many lawless activities done through them.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,there are many complaints of profile hacking by hackers,who misuse the data of others.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,the public is afraid of using
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

platforms these days and is creating a fearful atmosphere.
To conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,there are some acceptable benefits of these mobile applications but the drawbacks are heavy when compared
as
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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physical interaction is more effective,beneficial,fruitful and is likely to strengthen bonds.It is acceptable to have a connectionless talk in some tough times but everyone must find a date to have a real meeting rather than through mobiles.

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt but could further develop the discussion on whether the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages. Include a balanced analysis of both sides.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve coherence and cohesion, work on linking ideas more effectively within and between paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
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