IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Computer games are becoming very popular among children of all ages and nationalities. Parents say they are concerned because these games have little educational value and many harmful effects. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In each and every country, computer-based
games
Use synonyms
 are drastically becoming more famous for all ages of adolescents. Parents are worried about these
games
Use synonyms
 due to they will affect their studies and it
also
Linking Words
 results in dangerous effects. I will agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because it will show more impact on their academics and
also
Linking Words
 show consequences in their
health
Use synonyms
. Playing more desktop
games
Use synonyms
 will damage the school studies of
children
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, more
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
students aged between 13-19 are showing more interest in spending their time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing video
games
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of doing their studies and
thus
Linking Words
 makes them not enough prepared for the exams.
For example
Linking Words
, according to the Times of India report revealed that 87% of the school students are showing great interest in playing stations. According to
this
Linking Words
, playing
games
Use synonyms
 will spoil education. On
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 side, playing these PC
games
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 show disadvantages in
children
Use synonyms
's healths. Continuous playing of video
games
Use synonyms
 has shown an effect that the majority of the youngsters are getting neck pain and spending a lot of time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sitting and playing
also
Linking Words
 results in their back pain as well. If it goes like
this
Linking Words
 at small age they will get eye-sight.
For instance
Linking Words
, from the
last
Linking Words
decade
Add a comma
,decade
show examples
 the World
Health
Use synonyms
 Organisation has shown
report
Add an article
a report
show examples
 that 7 out of 10 per cent of young
children
Use synonyms
 use spectacles for their eyesight. Spending more leisure on playing stations will increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 issues. In conclusion, I believe that more young
children
Use synonyms
 spending their time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing
games
Use synonyms
 results that education scores are decreasing and it
also
Linking Words
 harms their
health
Use synonyms
 that's why parents are very concerned about their
children
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: