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Writing Samples
Band 4

the number of elderly people in the world in inreasing. What do you think are the positive and negative effects of this trend?

#people #world #effects #trend
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Many industrialized
countries
Use synonyms
 are becoming an ageing
societies
Correct the article-noun agreement
society
show examples
, which holds an increasing
number
Use synonyms
 of populations in old
age
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend is likely to be seen as
social
Correct article usage
a social
show examples
drawbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
drawback
show examples
, there are apparently
both
Use synonyms
 pros and cons. A
society
Use synonyms
 with a considerate
number
Use synonyms
 of elder adults can not only lead to a well-matured
democracy
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 with building multilateral cooperation between
nations
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
instance
Use synonyms
, a
population
Use synonyms
 with a lot of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old would make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better political
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
, which
turns
Wrong verb form
would turn
show examples
 our
democracy
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
direction.
In addition
Linking Words
, since the growing
population
Use synonyms
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to require the economic expansion of
nations
Use synonyms
, a steady
population
Use synonyms
 late would facilitate maintaining the international bond in various global
issues
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the high
ratio
Use synonyms
 of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 can cost extra
pension
Use synonyms
,
as well as
Linking Words
 reduce the total
income
Use synonyms
 from working
age
Use synonyms
.
The fewer
Correct article usage
Fewer
show examples
 working
people
Use synonyms
 will reduce the amount of
income
Use synonyms
 and make it difficult to economically
support
Use synonyms
 the old with a
pension
Use synonyms
 many industrialized
countries
Use synonyms
 are becoming an ageing
society
Use synonyms
, which holds an increasing
number
Use synonyms
 of populations in old
age
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend is likely to be seen as
social
Correct article usage
a social
show examples
drawbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
drawback
show examples
, there are apparently
both
Use synonyms
 pros and cons. A
society
Use synonyms
 with a considerate
number
Use synonyms
 of elder adults can not only
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 a well-matured
democracy
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 help with building multilateral cooperation between
nations
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
instance
Use synonyms
, a
population
Use synonyms
 with a lot of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old would make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better political
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
, which
turns
Wrong verb form
would turn
show examples
 our
democracy
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right direction.
In addition
Linking Words
, since the growing
population
Use synonyms
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to require the economic expansion of
nations
Use synonyms
, a steady
population
Use synonyms
 late would facilitate maintaining the international bond in various global
issues
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the high
ratio
Use synonyms
 of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 can cost extra
pension
Use synonyms
,
as well as
Linking Words
reduces
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduce
show examples
 the total
income
Use synonyms
 from working
age
Use synonyms
. The fewer working
people
Use synonyms
 will reduce the amount of
income
Use synonyms
 and make it difficult to economically
support
Use synonyms
 the old with a
pension
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, some
countries
Use synonyms
 diminished the
pension
Use synonyms
 price or even abolished
one
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
demographical
changes
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
, there is a high possibility that a
country
Use synonyms
 will become very conservative with a great
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
. An older
country
Use synonyms
 tends to make radical
changes
Use synonyms
 in
policies
Use synonyms
 and may spend more money on social
welfare
Use synonyms
 than childcare
support
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
instance
Use synonyms
, Japan is
one
Use synonyms
 of the ageing societies and its
policies
Use synonyms
 are inclined to elderly concerns ,not the young,
such
Linking Words
 as immigrant policy or
pension
Use synonyms
 budget.
Thus
Linking Words
, if the
ratio
Use synonyms
 of old
people
Use synonyms
 increases in the total national
population
Use synonyms
, the
country
Use synonyms
 will have
both
Use synonyms
 advantages and disadvantages. It will
cause
Use synonyms
 a better democratic and cooperative
society
Use synonyms
,
on the contrary
Linking Words
, it will
cause
Use synonyms
 several
issues
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 maintaining economics and social
welfare
Use synonyms
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
For example
Linking Words
, some
countries
Use synonyms
 diminished the
pension
Use synonyms
 price or even abolished
one
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
demographical
changes
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
, there is a high possibility that a
country
Use synonyms
 will become very conservative with a great
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
. An older
country
Use synonyms
 tends to make radical
changes
Use synonyms
 in
policies
Use synonyms
 and may spend more money on social
welfare
Use synonyms
 than childcare
support
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
instance
Use synonyms
, Japan is
one
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 societies and its
policies
Use synonyms
 are inclined to elderly concerns ,not the young,
such
Linking Words
 as immigrant policy or
pension
Use synonyms
 budget.
Thus
Linking Words
, if the
ratio
Use synonyms
 of old
people
Use synonyms
 increases in the total national
population
Use synonyms
, the
country
Use synonyms
 will have
both
Use synonyms
 advantages and disadvantages. It will
cause
Use synonyms
 a better democratic and cooperative
society
Use synonyms
,
on the contrary
Linking Words
, it will
cause
Use synonyms
 several
issues
Use synonyms
Change preposition
in
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 maintaining economics and social
welfare
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by momokonakaoka on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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