IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

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If people
been
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 asked about one thing to change about their own town
then
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 there will be plenty of options they have.
Similarly
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, there is one thing that I want to introduce strict
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
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 against
pollution
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will elaborate on my view in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, In my hometown, there is a lot of rubbish everywhere.
This
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 motivates me to organize a volunteer club to help me to clean
this
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 rubbish. If I could I
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 establish more trash cabs to pick up the garbage from streets and roads.
Moreover
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, I would like to adopt the rules and regulations of Japan regarding cleanliness. In Japan, in front of every home, there is a recycle bin in which they can recycle biodegradable things.
In addition
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, in my hometown
pollution
Use synonyms
 is increasing day by day. I would like to install windmills to refresh the air. There is
also
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 another big reason for air
pollution
Use synonyms
such
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 as more private vehicles on the road. It emits carbon dioxide which
polluted
Wrong verb form
pollutes
show examples
 the quality of the air. Whenever I get a chance I would like to arrange some seminars regarding the dangers of
pollution
Use synonyms
. I will motivate people to use public transport
instead
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 of
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 private vehicles. Most people follow the rules because of fear of punishment so I would
also
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 like to legislate the penalty for polluting.
To conclude
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, if I get an opportunity to change one
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Change preposition
of this
show examples
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
 in my hometown I will introduce
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
strict laws regarding cleanliness and
pollution
Use synonyms
.

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Task Response
Provide a more direct answer to the prompt and ensure that all aspects of the question are addressed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that the essay has a proper structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, to improve coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used and pay attention to word choice to convey ideas more precisely.
Grammatical Range
Use a wider variety of sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use of verb tenses.
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