IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned while others believe that people should be free to choose.discuss the both views and give your opinion

#people #sport
It
Correct pronoun usage
Some
show examples
 is believed that risky
sports
 should be banned,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
 claim that decisions about
sports
 should
take
Wrong verb form
be taken
show examples
 by their candidates.
Although
 some dangerous
sports
 can be harmful,in my perspective,I believe that the decision about taking a sport should be taken individually. Some sort of
sports
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 so dangerous
such
 as
box
Wrong verb form
boxing
show examples
,tacvando or high-speed motorcycle
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
.Despite how many hazards these sorts of
sports
 activities are,the main thing is to enjoy.
For instance
,a recent study says that adrenaline which is received by doing dangerous
sports
release
Change the verb form
releases
show examples
 a hormone that gives enjoyment and increases happiness.
As a consequence
,
besides
 the risk
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
taken,there is
also
 more benefit
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 doing these kinds of
sports
.
On the other hand
,governments should take responsibility by introducing regulations for their citizen's security.
This
 means
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 is dangerous for people shouldn't be allowed to use
this
 might be banning drinking alcohol for some
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 and
also
 in order to avoid
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accidents some dangerous
sports
 should be banned.Swordfight ,
for example
, is so dangerous and many people die by doing
this
 sport during the game.
As a result
,some
sports
 should be considered because of the
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
 of the games.
To sum up
,dangerous games are believed that should be banned even
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
 benefits,but others claim that and say that any
sports
 should be done individually.
Submitted by cmnr3134 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the topic but lacks depth and development, demonstrating a basic understanding of the issue at hand. It is important to provide a more comprehensive analysis of the arguments, considering a wider range of views and developing a clear position.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates some organization, but the ideas are presented in a somewhat disjointed manner. There is a need for clearer signposting through the use of topic sentences and cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: