IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

What distinguishes young people from their parents' or grandparents' generation is a lack of physical exercise. Today's generation are spending far too long playing computer games, chatting aimlessly on social networking sites or simply watching TV, and too little time being active. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #parents #grandparents #generation #lack #exercise #computer #games #sites #tv #time
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With the advanced technology, today's population spends their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 on Internet, games or other relevant technological tools.
This
Linking Words
 situation leads young ones to spend less physical activities. I reckon that to pull out themselves from
Add an article
the
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ageing population they should acquire sportive habits.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost,
Correct article usage
the
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adverse effect of
Internet
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the Internet
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 is a force to be reckoned with. Nowadays,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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especially generation y and z, think games or social media are an indispensable part of their lives since they spend minimum energy to reach what they want to have.
For instance
Linking Words
, ıf they want to interact with their friends they choose to call them
instead
Linking Words
 of looking up or ıf children want to play a game they prefer
do
Add the particle
to do
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 that on online sites.
Linking Words
This
Change the determiner
These
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 problematic occasions do lots of harm to us. Researches have illustrated, there is a positive correlation between obesity and these advanced machines. Due to the shortage of activity obese population rates have increasingly risen. In earlier years, everyone struggled to reach something,
this
Linking Words
 can be transportation issues, communicating opportunities or academic problems everyone were exposed to
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 action in order to handle their job. When they want to go
Change preposition
to a
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a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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certain place horses or other animals were being
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
choose
 or people had to walk. But it has changed with the novelties now people have a tendency to handle whatever they want by sitting.
Secondly
Linking Words
, regardless of its beneficial consequences, the more we spend time in front of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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computers the more we
loss
Replace the word
lose
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 our active lives. With every new feature of online
platforms
Add a comma
,platforms
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 we meet easier opportunities. Supposedly, ı want to eat tomato and there is a market 400 meters away from me ı choose to order online
instead
Linking Words
 of shopping there. We can see similar examples
in
Change preposition
apply
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everywhere , but we are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 who will suffer from that in the long term. In light of the facts recounted above, one of the main thing
why we are different from elderly people
Add the comma(s)
, why we are different from elderly people,
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 is because
the
Change preposition
of the
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 better position of our bodies. While our bodies are under good conditions we shouldn't waste
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. To fulfil that, we pick out to go to market on foot, when kids insist on playing a game parents may encourage them to go outside and
last
Linking Words
 but not least the moment when we want to interact with our friends or families we should take action and talk to them face to face.
Submitted by meliike.bekcii on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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