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Band 5

Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #hobbies
It is argued by some that leisure-
time
activities
 need to be challenging to be more entertaining.
However
, I completely disagree with
this
 viewpoint for two reasons.
First
 and foremost, easy to follow leisure
activities
 are preferred by most
people
.
This
 is because hobbies are considered a pastime for
people
. More specifically, individuals do their diversion when they are off work. In fact,
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
easy
activities
 are
more easy
Replace the words
easier
show examples
 to follow. Apart from that, it helps
people
 to master their hobbies in a short period of
time
 which gives happiness and
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
. On top of that , easy hobbies are
also
 inexpensive. Take
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 example, walking. As we all know, walking for thirty minutes
everyday
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every day
show examples
 has a lot of advantages . Not only does it
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 to improve the overall health of
people
 ,but
also
 walking is a fun activity. As it provides the opportunity to see the views and get the fresh air while wandering around.
In addition
, not challenging past
time
 can make
people
 become motivated to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their passion as they will obtain their desired goals
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
If
people
 have a difficult hobby , they may find a hard
time
 to fulfil .
This
 is because
challenging
Add an article
the challenging
show examples
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 may take lots of
time
 to perform .
As a result
, hobbyists may feel frustrated if
hobby
Add an article
the hobby
a hobby
show examples
 is not accomplished. In fact, simple
activities
 like reading
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not deal with the
time
 to take part,which is
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
 to
people
 who are busy and have hectic schedules.
Therefore
,calm leisures are more delightful and agreeable. In conclusion,I wholeheartedly believe that soft
activities
 are more pleasurable as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can be accomplished in a shorter
time
 resulting
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a fulfilling and relaxing day
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the hobbyists.
Moreover
,a lot of easy
activities
 are more economical and convenient like walking and reading.
Submitted by veronica.pilar on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unique challenge
  • personal growth
  • mastery
  • accomplishment
  • demanding
  • thrill of achievement
  • pastimes
  • fostering
  • sense of community
  • mindfulness
  • stress relief
  • mental break
  • daily stressors
What to do next:
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