IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #hobbies
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It is argued by some that leisure-
time
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activities
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 need to be challenging to be more entertaining.
However
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, I completely disagree with
this
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 viewpoint for two reasons.
First
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 and foremost, easy to follow leisure
activities
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 are preferred by most
people
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.
This
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 is because hobbies are considered a pastime for
people
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. More specifically, individuals do their diversion when they are off work. In fact,
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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easy
activities
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 are
more easy
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easier
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 to follow. Apart from that, it helps
people
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 to master their hobbies in a short period of
time
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 which gives happiness and
fulfillment
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fulfilment
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. On top of that , easy hobbies are
also
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 inexpensive. Take
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for
Add the comma(s)
,for
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 example, walking. As we all know, walking for thirty minutes
everyday
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every day
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 has a lot of advantages . Not only does it
helps
Wrong verb form
help
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 to improve the overall health of
people
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 ,but
also
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 walking is a fun activity. As it provides the opportunity to see the views and get the fresh air while wandering around.
In addition
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, not challenging past
time
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 can make
people
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 become motivated to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their passion as they will obtain their desired goals
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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If
people
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 have a difficult hobby , they may find a hard
time
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 to fulfil .
This
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 is because
challenging
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the challenging
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task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
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 may take lots of
time
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 to perform .
As a result
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, hobbyists may feel frustrated if
hobby
Add an article
the hobby
a hobby
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 is not accomplished. In fact, simple
activities
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 like reading
does
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do
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 not deal with the
time
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 to take part,which is
advantages
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advantageous
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 to
people
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 who are busy and have hectic schedules.
Therefore
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,calm leisures are more delightful and agreeable. In conclusion,I wholeheartedly believe that soft
activities
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 are more pleasurable as
it
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they
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 can be accomplished in a shorter
time
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 resulting
to
Change preposition
in
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 a fulfilling and relaxing day
of
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for
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 the hobbyists.
Moreover
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,a lot of easy
activities
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 are more economical and convenient like walking and reading.
Submitted by veronica.pilar on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unique challenge
  • personal growth
  • mastery
  • accomplishment
  • demanding
  • thrill of achievement
  • pastimes
  • fostering
  • sense of community
  • mindfulness
  • stress relief
  • mental break
  • daily stressors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: