IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents guide their children's education towards specific careers, such as in engineering, medicine, or law. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child who has this kind of parental guidance?

Future
Correct article usage
The future
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 career of kids is a crucial issue which should be carefully considered in the family
,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
thus
Punctuation problem
thus,
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 some
parents
Use synonyms
 manage
education
Correct article usage
the education
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to
Change preposition
of
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 their children toward their prospective satisfaction.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elucidate the positive and negative
of
Check wording
aspects of
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this
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 issue
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the following examples will be provided to support my point of view. On the one hand, offspring who are being guided in their career by their
parents
Use synonyms
 will strive for their mission without any distractions.
This
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 would reduce the chaos in their lives, especially
in
Change preposition
during
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the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 teenage
age
Check wording
years
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,
which
Correct word choice
when
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 many things will change
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
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 of
characteristics
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristic
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 transformations, emotional
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
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by
Change preposition
due to
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hormone
Fix the agreement mistake
hormones
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, and social changes
,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
thus
Punctuation problem
thus,
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 if their
parents
Use synonyms
 guide them in terms of education, they will not get lost in their prospective life.
On the other hand
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, guiding education toward a career
to
Change preposition
for
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 children by
parents
Use synonyms
 might have drawbacks
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as against
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
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because
Punctuation problem
, because
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parents
Use synonyms
' needs might not be the
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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 of
kids
Correct article usage
the kids
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.
This
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 can cause family problems or become a larger issue
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as drug use, social problems
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 the end.
For example
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,
according to
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 the latest survey conducted by Bangkok University,it has been revealed that 80% of homeless people tend to have arguments with their
parents
Use synonyms
 about different academic perspectives.
Therefore
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, being guided in the future occupation of offspring might cause social problems. In conclusion, it is good for offspring if their
parents
Use synonyms
 pay attention
in
Change preposition
to
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future
Correct pronoun usage
their future
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 careers
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, but they should be related to children's needs
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
; otherwise
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otherwise
Punctuation problem
otherwise,
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 the negative impact would happen against
inside
Correct pronoun usage
their inside
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 feelings.

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structure
Use one clear idea per paragraph: talk about a good point, then a bad point, then your view. This helps the flow.
language
Fix grammar and make short, clean sentences. This makes your words easy to read.
content
Give a real fact or quote from a trusted source if you add numbers; make sure the source is real.
structure
The essay has an introduction and a closing paragraph.
coherence
It uses 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to show two sides.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • parental guidance
  • specialization
  • high performing careers
  • competitive environments
  • skills and knowledge
  • exploration
  • interests
  • talents
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • passions
  • abilities
  • creativity
  • resentment
  • controlling
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