IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that youngsters should be required to do unpaid work helping people in the community. Are disadvantages of this requirement greater than the benefits for the community and individuals?

#people #youngsters #work #community #requirement #individuals
It is often said that young adults have to experience some
volunteer
work
 in a local
community
.
On the contrary
, some parents oppose
this
 idea, arguing teenagers should prioritize academic studies on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community
work
. Unpaid
community
work
 is beneficial for young people to some extent,
however
, it would be too risky to make it
compulsary
Correct your spelling
compulsory
.
First
 of all,
volunteer
work
 in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 can not only provide an adolescent
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 chance to understand the local place but
also
 create a social bond. These days, more and more
students
 commute to cities and have little knowledge about the city they live in.
For instance
, a student who
study
Change the verb form
studies
show examples
 history would be motivated to learn about the historical background of their home city through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community
work
.
In addition
, young people who tend to ask about
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 existence may find the root when they communicate with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
. The affliction toward the local place would make younger people relaxed and refreshed, no matter how harsh competitions they belong to at school.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
volunteer
work
 has significant drawbacks. Since the
work
 is not necessarily referred
in
Change preposition
to in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university admission, some high school
students
 can miss the opportunity to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 the prestigious universities due to the extra
work
. There are many
students
 who have to spend a great amount of time on school assignments and exam preparations, which means only top
students
 can spare some time on the
volunteer
work
. What is worse, teenagers may be exploited by small companies in
malice
Add an article
the malice
a malice
show examples
work
 environment. There are no social welfare systems for the possible risk in
volunteer
work
, which would cause a serious problem when an incident
such
 as mental disorder, overwork, or traffic accident happens. Considering these points, I strongly believe that the enforced
volunteer
work
 of
students
 is more
harm
Replace the word
harmful
show examples
 than good.
Although
 it helps
students
 to know the local and strengthen the social bond, it would reduce the time spent on study and
expose
Replace the word
exposure
show examples
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 various risks involved in future careers and their lives.
Submitted by momokonakaoka on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: