IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
Nowadays,
people
 are facing many health issues that relating to consuming foods with sugar. There is an argument suggesting that
this
 problem can be fixed by raising the prices of those
products
. Personally, I am not convinced that
this
 is an appropriate option to do and there are other alternatives that are more reasonable. It is true that sugary
products
 cause negative influences on health conditions,
for instance
, obesity and diabetes, which are rather difficult to deal with.
Therefore
, encouraging
people
 to reduce or cut those foods in their meals are becoming a necessary thing to do. Some
people
 believe that increasing the price can limit the demand for those
products
.
However
, price should be decided by the market itself and a rough intervention has never been a positive method to be applied and can lead to other economic problems,
such
 as inflation, which in turn can harm the market overall.
Instead
, raising the perception of a healthier diet and benefits gained from it can be a more reasonable approach to do. In many countries, there are campaigns that encourage
people
 against unhealthy
products
 and increase acknowledgement about the negative impacts of being obese, which can cause heart disease and even death.
As a result
,
people
 will change their eating habits and
then
 start to consume less or non-sugar
products
. In conclusion, I believe that it is more sustainable if change an eating style by changing awareness.
Hence
, it is a better choice to focus on educating knowledge of a healthy lifestyle.
Submitted by diepthuong222 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: