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Band 4.5

The global demand for oil and gas is increasing. Some believe that we should therefore encourage the exploitation of remote areas. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#demand #oil #gas #believe #exploitation #areas #outweigh
It is certainly true that nowadays
this
 topic has been playing an important role in our
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 life. It has brought lots of advantages,
hence
 creating negative
sides
 as well.
This
 essay will discuss both
sides
 of the argument by drawing a reasonable conclusion over an ongoing debated topic. On the one ,side our world is
having
Verb problem
experiencing
show examples
 hardship with globalization in adequate proportion.
Thus
, upholding that
idea
 should lead to additional problems which will be the
assistant
Replace the word
assistance
show examples
 of strengthening issues the world is suffering from. That
also
 leads to another worth mentioning disadvantage-poaching. So many tests are implemented by the companies,
hence
 wild habitats
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 sufficiently from that issue
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they cannot protect themselves
Thus
,the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages. On the other ,side there are lots of people who recognise
such
 an advantage as profit. To illustrate that case,several countries gain their earnings from oil and gas.
Therefore
, they support the
idea
 of exploitation of remote areas.Another advantage is an individual's safety.
For example
,
such
 drilling should deprive people of endangering spills companies practice dangerous tests.
Thus
,animals do not have the ability to preserve themselves,it is a spectacular
idea
 to implement. To take everything into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consideration
nevertheless
 did give examples to both
sides
,I strongly believe that it is up to us which way we are opting, so it is indeed a good
idea
 to encourage the exploitation of remote areas.
Therefore
,that would lead to the safety of wildlife and
also
 humanity if the government
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 add correct stringent policies to protect both
sides
.
Submitted by dr.zarifaaliyeva on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exploitation
  • economic growth
  • infrastructure
  • underdeveloped areas
  • environmental cost
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • global warming
  • renewable energy sources
  • sustainable development
  • geopolitical issues
  • resource control
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