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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, working women can take a few months of maternity leave after childbirth. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #women #months #maternity #childbirth #outweigh
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The notable questions raised by
maternity
 leave of employed females in some countries are subject to much debate. As far as the mother’s health and the baby care are concerned, I personally consider it is a positive phenomenon,
although
 they may face stress and anxiety when they return to the workplace.
First
 and foremost,
maternity
 leave can benefit
mothers
 by providing time to recover from childbirth. It is unsuitable for women to turn back to work as soon as delivering, considering their weak physical conditions. To be specific,
mothers
 after childbirth are more likely to be attacked by some diseases
as a result
 of suffering from delivering just now, regarding as a kind of surgery, and undoubtedly they need to be taken care
carefully
Change preposition
of carefully
show examples
.
In addition
, the long vacation for
mothers
 promotes them to spend more time with their newborn babies. It is beneficial for working women to adapt to their new roles as
mothers
. Simultaneously,
mothers
 could pay more attention
on
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 their little babies rather than heavy work.
For instance
,
maternity
 leave gives opportunities to employed females to better feed their little babies and
this
 is generally considered beneficial for babies’ health. What’s more, it is no doubt that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
maternity
 leave has a positive effect on society in the long run. Without
maternity
 vacations, considering their health and energy, they may do not have a strong
willing
Replace the word
willingness
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
pregnancy
Replace the word
pregnant
show examples
 or delay
motherhoods
Fix the agreement mistake
motherhood
show examples
.
Then
, the negative impacts that stem from
low
Correct article usage
the low
show examples
 birth rate could provoke dire consequences for societies. In conclusion,
maternity
 leave is a positive development for both individuals and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society,
although
 working women need to fit the switch of different roles when they return workplace.
Submitted by yang-luo19 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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