IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The media pays too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extend to you agree or disagree?

#media #attention #lives #relationships #celebrities #actors #singers #footballers #time #people
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Nowadays, people spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 watching
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news
Correct article usage
the news
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 regarding stars
such
Linking Words
 as actors, musicians or athletes.
However
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, some think they should spend more
time
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 reporting the
life
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 of simple subjects. I totally agree with
this
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, and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to write why I think is more important to report normal people's
life
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. Despite the fact of a celebrities
life
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 is more interesting, reporters should live more space for them to live their daily
life
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.
This
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 is because many times paparazzi would invade their days asking them for
news
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, so they can report them to the crowd. Famous rock bands ,
for instance
Linking Words
, are almost banned to live their
life
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 like
a normal human beings
Correct the article-noun agreement
normal human beings
a normal human being
show examples
, because of media interruptions.
Therefore
Linking Words
 we should have more
news
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 about ordinary persons, that could even give us more informative
news
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Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
news
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. If we they would show more information regarding daily subjects, a person would
to
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apply
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have
Add the particle
tohave
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 get more knowledge. When we only rely on famous celebrities, we end up
on
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apply
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having fake
news
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 most of the
time
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 but
also
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 it doesn't give us any informative pieces of information.
Such
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 as how the citizens live, giving good reports and sometimes tips on how to have e better living or even know what is happening around the world, and learn from different cultures.
Altough
Correct your spelling
Although
this
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 can be boring for some it would be really informative for others. In conclusion, reporters pay too much attention to famous groups, without realising how important could be to report normal crowd information. In my opinion, I find it more interesting
known
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to know
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 what other
pepole
Correct your spelling
people
 like me do
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their free
time
Use synonyms
 or inform
myself
Correct pronoun usage
me
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 about others
culturs
Correct your spelling
cultures
culture
.
Submitted by Tizi999 on

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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