IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #schools #reward #students #show #results #improvements
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people suppose that
students
Use synonyms
 who perform well in their examinations should receive
Use synonyms
Add an article
a reward
the reward
show examples
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
, others believe that it is significant to prize
students
Use synonyms
 who
show
Use synonyms
 great progress. In my opinion, I agree with
Add an article
the school
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should
reward
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 who
show
Use synonyms
 improvement. On one side of the argument, there are people who believe that
students
Use synonyms
 with the best academic results should be rewarded.
Firstly
Linking Words
, rewards could create
highly
Add an article
a highly
show examples
 competitive education environment that will keep learners studying hard and motivate them to acquire more and more knowledge. It could encourage
students
Use synonyms
make
Add the particle
to make
show examples
 an effort to study hard for the best score.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is a big helpful thing for many poor
students
Use synonyms
 and having won prizes in school make them active in studies.
For example
Linking Words
, in many big educational institutions in Vietnam, the best
students
Use synonyms
 had a lot of benefits from their performance
such
Linking Words
 as
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better opportunities in future,
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 abroad, scholarship, take part in
national
Add an article
the national
a national
show examples
 competition.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is necessary for schools to
reward
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 who
show
Use synonyms
 improvement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when schools
reward
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 who
show
Use synonyms
 enhancement, they will be received people's
encourage
Replace the word
encouragement
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 will improve their study results that bring more
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 outcomes.
For instance
Linking Words
, because of wanting to gain a prize, these learners would invest more time and effort into their studies, which is likely to gradually increase their fascination for academic disciplines.
Hence
Linking Words
, learning results will become higher than the previous one. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rewards are becoming an important role in human and society developments. Schools should attempt to
reward
Use synonyms
 not only
students
Use synonyms
 showing the best academic achievements but
also
Linking Words
 those who make efforts.
Submitted by domaianh.uliser on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: