The rising levels of congestion and air pollution found in most of the world citie can be attributed directly to the rapidly increasing number of private cars in use. In order to reverse this decline in quality of life in cities, attempts must be made to encourage people to use their cars less and public transport more. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, in our society
children
have less connection with their
parents
due to both
parents
are working ,and it makes problems in their relationship. I want to render some reasons and suggest to my opinion about
this
decision. On the one hand, those who support
this
idea claim that both
parents
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
outside of
home
Add an article
the home
a home
show examples
can cause various problems.
Firstly
, these days the living cost is increasing and
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
have to
work
to prepare a better life for their
children
.
For instance
, if
children
want to go
Privet
Change preposition
to Privet
show examples
University ,or they want to have a better
educational
Replace the word
education
show examples
their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
need
paying
Change the verb form
to pay
show examples
good money for them.
Although
they are working together to earn extra money, they cannot
enough
Add a missing verb
have enough
show examples
free time and
this
might have a negative impact on
children
.
Secondly
, while both
parents
are working,
children
may be lonely at home and if
parents
neglect to control their
children
in order to lack attention may direct
children
to criminal activities. For
this
reason, at least one of two
parents
should be staying more time at home , and they are nurturing as well as they can.
On the other hand
, when
parents
don’t spend enough time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
‘s upbringing, especially mother.
Although
children
want
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
high quality of life facility, they need more
parents
attention and support than anything else. For one
thing
Add a comma
,thing
show examples
children
need emotional
interact
Replace the word
interaction
show examples
with their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
and
parents
have significant impacts on the process of shaping the personalities of their
children
. When
Children
are working with
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
they feel much more confident and independent and
this
is helpful to their future life.
In addition
, sometimes
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
are like working and they want to be more socialized So they can help from babysitters, or with grandparents
also
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
between
work
and family. I believe that while
parent
Add an article
the parent
a parent
show examples
is working as a professional
work
it brings more advantages to the
children
Financial situation of the whole family will be improved,
children
can learn hard
work
from their
parents
and
also
it has many benefits for the
parents
themselves. In conclusion, if
parents
balance between
work
and family their
children
’s development are certain to be guaranteed.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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