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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children’s social behaviour and that of adults? To what extent are the changes that take place good?

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Children
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 generally base their process of development on the observation and learning from others, especially those close to them. In
this
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 way, their mind develops gradually, resulting in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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changes in social manners.
This
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 essay will elaborate on the distinctions of behaviours in
the
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society between immature and mature ones
as well as
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 their positive influences on the young generation. First of all, there is no doubt that
children
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, with their innocent mindsets, are inclined to do everything without calculations or assessments.
For instance
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, they will play or talk with someone whom they like, regardless of his or her social position or
ages
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age
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. Adults,
on the other hand
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, tend to assign much weight to the partners’ achievements when they decide to build up the relationships.
This
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 leads to the second difference between young minds and the older ones.
Due to
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 the indifference of
children
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 to
the
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apply
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social matters, their manners seem to be more straightforward than that of adults. Unlike mature people who might consider themselves inferior to those who
brings
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bring
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 them benefits, little kids treat everyone in the same way because they are unconscious of the rations for behaving distinctively.
Such
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 changes like
this
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 are inevitable when a toddler grows up.
However
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, whether they are good or not depends greatly on the degree to which
children
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 comprehend the reason for doing so.
Therefore
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, in order for the positive effects to take place, appropriate instructions and guides should be provided.
For example
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, when becoming teenagers, pupils need to be aware that they should show respect to those older than them, not just someone putting
good
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a good
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 impression on them. When they are
fully-developed
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fully developed
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 as adults, they should be told to be more attentive to potential clients who help them earn their living.
Nonetheless
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, what is important is that the bonding between them and
customers
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their customers
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 is collaboration, which means they should prove their merits
instead
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 of lowering themselves. In conclusion,
children
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’s adaptions to how to treat people properly result from the influence of the individuals they are closely connected to. If parents want their kids to grow up becoming a kind of person behaving well, they should mind about the manners before teaching their little ones.

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing the main differences between young children's social behavior and that of adults, but it lacks a clear outline of these differences and their significance. The discussion about whether the changes that take place are good is not sufficiently developed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but there is a lack of effective transition between ideas. The introduction and conclusion need to be more distinct and impactful, providing a clear overview of the essay's content and a concise summary of the points discussed.
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