IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

nowadays more people are choosing to live with friends or alone rather than with their families. this trend is likely to have a negative impact on communities. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

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It is argued that most
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles

It seems that juvenile may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 nowadays mainly choose to live independently or live with intimates,
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of living with their parents. While the tendency gives young people self-sufficient and unattached life, I still believe that
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 increasing trend can cause some dire problems and negative consequences. There are several drawbacks of living in solitary that should not be underestimated. One major negative of
that is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 living with friends or alone may cause depravity and lack of control which can negatively affect their life. The youngsters without parental control can easily be lured to use stimulants because there will be no regulatory body present to stop them from doing that.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, most teenagers are not aware of the harmful effects of drugs, and they unknowingly need someone to warn them about these kinds of things.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, living alone may increase
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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loneliness which leads young people to
eating
Change the verb form
eat

The to-infinitive that follows the verb leads requires the base form. Change eating to the base form.

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 without a plan and not
taking
Wrong verb form
take

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb taking. Consider changing it.

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 care of themselves. At the same time, I believe that people who leave the protection from parents when they are too used to the family's care will find it difficult to integrate into society as well as perform independent jobs. Some cannot manage themselves leading to bad situations as mentioned above.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, statistical data collected from all over the globe has shown that 60
percent
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per cent

The spelling of percent is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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 of the substance abusers are those who live alone or cannot orient themselves.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Erosion
  • Communal cohesion
  • Geographical dispersion
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Real estate dynamics
  • Psychological well-being
  • Technological facilitation
  • Independence
  • Traditional vs modern lifestyles
  • Intergenerational relationships
  • Virtual communities
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