IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

ome people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable

#ome #people #hobbies
In modern times, it seems to be undeniable that
people
 have different opinions about hobbies. While I agree that pastimes need to be challenging to be fascinating , I personally believe that entertainment
activities
 are gentle to be
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
. From an overall perspective view, there are two main reasons why I assume that spare-time
activities
 need to be demanding. The primary argument for
this
 is that complicated hobbies
activities
such
 as mountain climbing, bungee jumping are considered as high risk and trigger which prevent other
people
 from conquering them. It is obvious that when
people
 obtain these tough diversions
activities
 they would be satisfied with the accomplishment and have a sense
achievement
Change preposition
of achievement
show examples
. Another key to mention
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 some hobbies take followers a great deal of time and effort to manage to do them successfully, which give these
people
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
feelings
Replace the word
feeling
show examples
 of happiness when they can push their limits.
For example
,
although
 film editing is a hobby that requires a high level of knowledge and expertise, There are still many
people
 who try to cultivate to achieve their goals, which helps to feel proud of yourself.
However
, I
also
 think that leisure-time
activities
 are simple to be relaxing. It is
valid
Add an article
a valid
show examples
point
Add the particle
to point
show examples
 that easy pastimes do not necessitate
host
Correct article usage
a host
show examples
 of time and money for
people
, especially for those
people
 who want to balance their life between work and entertainment. It is apparent that exhausted white-collar workers will find inexpensive recreation
activities
 that are more entertaining
instead
 of
spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 money and time on difficult relaxation. A
further
 argument in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
this
 is that free-time
activities
 are neither difficult nor expensive to take and they are suitable for all walks of life.
For instance
,
reading
Add an article
the reading
a reading
show examples
 book not only helps
people
 immerse themselves into the entertainment world
,
Add the word(s)
but,
show examples
it
also
 aids
people
gain
Add the particle
to gain
show examples
 lots of horizon through reading. In conclusion, my personal perspective is that pastimes are beneficial
although
 some
people
 insist that relaxation
activities
 need to be sophisticated to be pleasurable.
Submitted by Piglittle2503 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!