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Band 4

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
Nowadays, there are a lot of talks about forcing teenagers into doing social work as a part of getting an
education
 in school for free. There are those who say
such
 actions as cleaning roads or walking dogs from
Add an article
the shelter
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shelter
Fix the agreement mistake
shelters
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 are important parts of
school
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the school
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, while others disagree. In my opinion,
obligate
Wrong verb form
obligating
show examples
 teens with community service for nothing during their high school is unfair and unacceptable. To start with, getting a proper
education
Add the particle
to have
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have
Change the verb form
has
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 to remain
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 main goal for teenagers.
Education
 goes
first
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because no kind of social works will help to enter
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university or get a paid job. During their youth, teenagers are full of energy and power, which is better to direct into gain knowledge for the
further
education
,
instead
 of spending time helping animals, the old or collecting rubbish from the streets.
Moreover
, any kind of
charity
 should not be compulsory. The essence of
charity
 events is voluntary. If a teenager is pushed to do it, he or she will help not from the button of their hearts. Even more, in some
situations
Add a comma
,situations
show examples
 forced
charity
 will feel like a punishment, but not the part of
education
, how it should be. Modern teens are conscious enough to take part in community services by their own decision. Briefly summarizing
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 mentioned, I tend to think that teens will get much more experience and profit from preparing for their exams or from spending time in
library
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the library
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, than from participation in
charity
.
Besides
, involuntary help
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not feel
Change preposition
like as
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as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 real
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by tatianaraysan2002 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
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