IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults
People have different views concerning the question of how to tackle serious juvenile crime. While it is sometimes argued that immature offenders should be punished in the same way as mature ones, I, to some extent, disagree with
this
 opinion. On the one hand, it is believed that all dangerous
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 should be solved by heavy punishment, no matter who are the convicts. It is true that juvenile delinquency is an alarming issue these days, and severe punishment can act as a deterrent to those who intend to commit a crime.
Furthermore
, when young wrongdoers only receive lenient sentences compared to adult offenders, they may not acknowledge
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their unlawful behaviours and adverse consequences, and
thus
 they may re-offend.
This
 may put the
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 of innocent individuals in jeopardy and pose a threat to society as a whole.
On the other hand
, I am much more convinced that it is advisable to treat juvenile criminals in a different way in comparison with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mature ones.
Firstly
, the young are not sufficiently educated, which means that it is unjustified for them to receive the same punishment as the adults. Some children break the law just because they mimic the behaviours of adults, or they are forced to do so.
In addition
, there are other useful forms of
punishments
Fix the agreement mistake
punishment
show examples
.
For example
, young offenders should be sent to rehabilitation
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 where they will be educated and trained properly. Another method is forcing them to do unpaid community service. These punishments may not only help immature lawbreakers realize their unacceptable behaviours but
also
 give them a chance to make a contribution to local communities. In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I believe that young convicts should not serve similar penalties as adults do
Submitted by Andy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: