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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people say that the use of animals for the purpose of experiments is cruel. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

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In modern society, medical technology has been improving because many
animals
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 are used for the purpose of
experiments
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.
Although
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 there is a belief that
this
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 trend is cruel, it is clear that using
animals
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 for
experiments
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 is necessary in
order
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 to save human lives. The
first
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 aspect to point out is that new
medications
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 and
vaccines
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 are made by having experimented on
animals
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. In
order
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 to discover new
medications
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 and
vaccines
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, scientists need to check their positive and negative effects. In
this
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 case, they need to use
animals
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.
This
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 is because some diseases are from
animals
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such
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 as SARS.
Therefore
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, scientists need to analyse the disease itself and try to find out
the
Correct article usage
apply
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effective
medications
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 or
vaccines
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 in
order
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 to protect humans.
However
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, it could be suggested that there are plenty of
medications
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 and
vaccines
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 are available in our society.
Therefore
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,
experiments
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 on
animals
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 should be restricted when it is in necessary or urgent situations. It is a fact that the current
medications
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 and
vaccines
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 have been proven that they
are
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 effective.
Thus
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, scientists could work on finding out new
medications
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 and
vaccines
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 when a new illness is found in
order
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 to protect
animals
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 as well. To conclude, despite the fact that
experiments
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 on
animals
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 are controversial because there is an ethical issue behind it, it is still necessary to find ways of protecting people by improving the effects of
medications
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.
Therefore
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, animal
experiments
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 should be accepted but there should
also
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 be a consideration about the ethical problems.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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