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Band 4.5

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #festivals #periods
There are many traditional or religious
festivals
 around the world.
However
, in modern society, some people have forgotten the meaning behind them and their focus is on enjoying themselves. It is clear that individuals should not forget the
reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 those
festivals
 and they need to try to pass
onto
Correct your spelling
on to
show examples
 the
next
genelations
Correct your spelling
generations
generation
 how to celebrate them. The
first
 aspect to point out is that it is a fact that some enjoy drinking alcohol or taking drugs during the festival
period
.
Although
 some religious people are not allowed to consume those substances, the young tend not to follow their religious rules due to the trends in society.
Thus
,
this
 can be a problem when it comes to
respect
Change the verb form
respecting
show examples
 their
religions
.
Additionally
, if they are intoxicated, they might have issues with others, which is disrespectful towards their
religions
.
However
, it could be suggested that the onus is on adults to educate the young on the
reasons
of
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for
show examples
 having those
festivals
 and how to behave during the
period
. It is
also
 children's responsibility to follow their traditions but they need to be taught about their
religions
. If adults teach them about the
reasons
of
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for
show examples
festivals
, children will try to preserve the traditions and show their respect.
This
 respect towards their religion will help the young to be well-behaved throughout the festival
period
. To conclude, each person should not forget the
reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 traditional or religious
festivals
 in order to preserve their identities. Adults need to have
a
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apply
show examples
time to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
their
religions
 with their children during the festival
period
 because
this
 might help them to appreciate their traditions.
Submitted by hiromi-o.1828 on

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Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
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