Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There are many traditional or religious

festivals

Use synonyms

around the world.

However

Linking Words

, in modern society, some people have forgotten the meaning behind them and their focus is on enjoying themselves. It is clear that individuals should not forget the

reasons

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Change preposition

for

show examples

those

festivals

Use synonyms

and they need to try to pass

onto

Correct your spelling

on to

show examples

the

Linking Words

genelations

Correct your spelling

generations

generation

how to celebrate them. The

first

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aspect to point out is that it is a fact that some enjoy drinking alcohol or taking drugs during the festival

period

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Although

Linking Words

some religious people are not allowed to consume those substances, the young tend not to follow their religious rules due to the trends in society.

Thus

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this

Linking Words

can be a problem when it comes to

respect

Change the verb form

respecting

show examples

their

religions

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Additionally

Linking Words

, if they are intoxicated, they might have issues with others, which is disrespectful towards their

religions

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However

Linking Words

, it could be suggested that the onus is on adults to educate the young on the

reasons

Use synonyms

Change preposition

for

show examples

having those

festivals

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and how to behave during the

period

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. It is

also

Linking Words

children's responsibility to follow their traditions but they need to be taught about their

religions

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. If adults teach them about the

reasons

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Change preposition

for

show examples

festivals

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, children will try to preserve the traditions and show their respect.

This

Linking Words

respect towards their religion will help the young to be well-behaved throughout the festival

period

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. To conclude, each person should not forget the

reasons

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Change preposition

for

show examples

traditional or religious

festivals

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in order to preserve their identities. Adults need to have

Change the article

apply

show examples

time to discuss

about

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

their

religions

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with their children during the festival

period

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because

this

Linking Words

might help them to appreciate their traditions.

Submitted by hiromi-o.1828 on Thu Nov 18 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

267 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Commercialization
Globalization
Cultural dilution
Traditional values
Secularization
Festivity
Heritage
Individualism vs. collectivism
Consumer culture
Intangible cultural heritage

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