IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure thier safety. Therefore , some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spent less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree ?

#government #responsibility #citizens #thier #safety #people #defense
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Every nation's authority
have
Change the verb form
has
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 some responsibilities regarding
thier
Correct your spelling
their
the
 public to feel
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
secure and
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
show examples
 of
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 of any country is the
first
Linking Words
 priority of every government. But some natives
believes
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believe
show examples
 that government should
spent
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spend
show examples
 more money on
Correct article usage
the defense
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defense
Change the spelling
defence
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 system rather than social benefits. I
am completely disagree
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completely disagree
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 with
this
Linking Words
 given notion and the facts of the thesis will
be demonstrate
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be demonstrated
show examples
 in the
followings
Replace the word
following
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 paragraphs. In
this
Linking Words
 digitalised world , innovations in social
wellfare
Correct your spelling
welfare
 are more important to increase safety level as well as
comfort
Add an article
the comfort
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 level for
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
. One of the primary
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 behind the feeling
unsecure
Correct your spelling
insecure
 by
people
Use synonyms
 is the regular increment in online payments frauds. Government money should be utilised to tackle digital attacks. High security from
cyber
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the cyber
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 department is needed to make transactions safe. It can be
results
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
 in
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 chances of online scams as well as
people
Use synonyms
feel
Wrong verb form
feeling
show examples
 more secure and comfortable in order to make online transactions.
In addition
Linking Words
 , there is no benefit if online attacks are being made on
people
Use synonyms
.
Public
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The public
show examples
 will
Replace the word
lose
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loose
Correct your spelling
lose
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 their faith or trust
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 online payments which will be a serious drawback and failure to make a nation digital. As some critics
argues
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argue
show examples
 that it is necessary to make
military
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the military
show examples
 system strong by investing in it.
Definitely
Add a comma
,Definitely
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 it helps everyone to feel safe from another country but there is no mean if
local
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the local
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 public is unsafe from its own residents who
commits
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commit
show examples
 crimes and thefts. It will be more effective by increasing protection in local areas at night and day time
also
Linking Words
.
For instance
Linking Words
 ,
helding
Correct your spelling
holding
 police duties at late night in public places will help every individual to feel
more safe
Replace the words
safer
show examples
. Crimes and theft cases will automatically decline by taking these effective steps for public safety. In general ,
Correct your spelling
government
goverment
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
 should complete its responsibilities by spending on social benefits to protect its residents. Rather than increasing
security
Correct article usage
the security
show examples
 of
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
,
Add an article
the authority
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authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 should invest in
cyber
Add an article
the cyber
show examples
 sector to track online scams as well as to make
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 environment safe decrease crime rates.
Submitted by amritpal.grewal0005 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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