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Band 4.5

some people believe that allowing children to make their own choice on every matters is likely to result in a society of individual who only think about their own wishes. other believe that it is important for children to make decision about matters that affect them.

#people #children #choice #matters #society #decision
Children
 are in the state of growing up
life
Change preposition
in life
show examples
, learning new things, making their own decisions. There are many
people
 in the society
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
 that allowing
children
 to choose whatever they want
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own may cause them to become
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
, think about only themselves.
However
, Some
people
 argue that
this
 would be a significant area where
children
 can learn the consequences
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their decision. Both of these views will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached. On the one hand,
children
 grow up and become self-fish may derive from how their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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 care of them. Their parents might spoil them
to
Replace the word
too
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 much which could
Correct your spelling
cause
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case
Correct your spelling
cause
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 them to not care
other
Change preposition
about other
show examples
people
.
For instance
,
children
 cry because they want to watch
Add an article
a cartoon
show examples
cartoon
Fix the agreement mistake
cartoons
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 while their father is watching TV. If their father
follow
Change the verb form
follows
show examples
 their desire and open the cartoon,
then
 they would feel that they can have
everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
 whether or not that would have
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
Correct your spelling
effect
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affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
.
On the other hand
, allowing
children
 to explore the world would
sharp
Wrong verb form
sharpen
show examples
 them to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 because it is impossible that all decisions that
children
 made would be the right
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
.
Children
 should learn how to fall and they will not fall at the same place again. For
obvious
Add an article
an obvious
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 example, when
children
Fix the agreement mistake
child
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helps
Change the verb form
help
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 her mother in the kitchen and want to touch the hot pot that just came out from the oven. They normally do not obey
to
Change preposition
apply
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their mother when she warns
that is
 hot, they still need to try. After they touched it, they would know that it was hot and it made you hurt.
Then
,
children
 can learn from the real experience how hurt it is and they will not touch the hot pot again. In my point of view, letting
children
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
make their own choice is important because they could
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
deal with the result.
However
, it is their parents’ responsibility to teach and explain
them
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to them
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 do not
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do anything that hurt other
people
. Everything
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 limit.
Submitted by kanthidakongma on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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