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Band 4.5

The only way to improve road safety is to impose severe punishment for driving offences. Do you agree or disagree?

#road #safety #punishment #offences
Death by accident is the most unfortunate way of dying. Safety on the
road
 is a very important topic of discussion. It is a shared responsibility of the person who is driving and the fellow who is walking to make sure that everyone is safe around them. Having strict laws for anyone who does not follow the
road
 safety rules is important. There are drivers who enjoy a glass of wine or whiskey and
then
 get on behind the wheels of a car. They are under the influence of alcohol and are like a ticking bomb ready to explode. They put multiple
lived
Replace the word
lives
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 risk.
Only
Add an article
The only
show examples
 way to stop
this
 is harsh punishments when
cought
Correct your spelling
caught
.
Then
 there are rash drivers, who do not believe in the speed limit and might put
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
 of persons walking on the
road
, in danger. At the same time, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 examples, where it is actually not the
drivers
Change to a genitive case
driver's
drivers'
show examples
 fault but
passerby
Correct article usage
the passerby
show examples
. The man walking on the
road
 could be in
real
Add an article
a real
show examples
 hurry and may have jumped the signal and walked when he was not expected to. In
this
 case, it will not be apt to consider the driver responsible for the mishap. There may be some offenders with small crimes which may not cause any human
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
physical harm
such
 as parking the car in a
no parking
Add a hyphen
no-parking
show examples
 zone or honking for some reason where
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 prohibited. In conclusion, the opinion that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
 way to improve
road
 safety is to have severe punishments seems to be a bit extreme in nature. According to
me
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
, it should depend on the damage that has been caused by the mishap and the circumstances around it.
Submitted by omkar.mhaskar on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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