IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others think they should begin after 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #education #age #years
Some parents state that children should start studying when they are young,
this
 essay will investigate both views and believes that they should begin their educations after 7 years of age. On the one hand, there are two primary reasons why they should start learning at an early age. The main reason is that they can learn some basic knowledge before entering primary schools.
For instance
, when they
study
 in kindergartens, they can learn some simple math calculations and the 26 English
alphabet
Change to a plural noun
alphabets
show examples
.
These
Correct determiner usage
This
show examples
 knowledge are quite useful for their
further
study
 and can increase their
study
 efficiency in the future. Another reason is that they will be
adapt
Change the form of the verb
adapted
show examples
 to going to
school
. Many young students have a fear of going to
school
 as they have not
leave
Change the verb form
left
show examples
 their parents before. If they have tried to go to kindergartens or tutorial centres when they are younger, they will be used to it and will not feel scared when they have to go to primary schools.
However
,
on the other hand
, here are two reasons why children should begin their education later.
Firstly
, they can enjoy their childhood. The time before entering
school
 is a precious time for children to play or relax, many of them feel stressed and
anxiety
Replace the word
anxious
show examples
 when they are forced to revise or
study
. So in order to provide them
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
memorable childhood, they should
study
 after 7 years old.
Moreover
, they can learn faster when they are older. They can understand
those knowledge
Change the determiner
that knowledge
show examples
 better when they get older and
thus
 learn faster, it can allow them to gain skills effectively. To conclude,
although
 early studies can allow students to get prepared before going to primary
school
, it may lead to anxiety or depression.
As a result
, they should be given a
non stressful
Add a hyphen
non-stressful
show examples
 childhood by starting education later.
Submitted by chloelwy3905 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • social skills
  • lifelong love for learning
  • undue pressure
  • young minds
  • emotionally and socially
  • less structured environment
  • play-based learning
  • crucial
  • long-term academic performance
  • well-being
  • balancing early education
  • flexibility
  • best approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: