IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Successful sports professional can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professionas. Some people think this is guppy justified while other think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#sports #money #people #professionas #guppy
To be successful in the field of
sports
 has
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 share of benefits. If you are highly successful in the field of
sports
 be it any sport like Cricket, football or tennis, there is virtually no limit for you to earn money. There are two groups divided on the fairness of the
amount
 earned by the
succeasful
Correct your spelling
successful
sports
 personalities. There are a few examples of famous personalities like Christiano Ronaldo, Virat Kohli, Roger Federer who have earned for their entire
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
life time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
 or even for the
next
 generations. The source for their heavy earnings is brand endorsements. The main reason for the brands to approach them is their followers who are the ultimate users for
such
 organisations. Having so many people to support you is a
by product
Add a hyphen
by-product
show examples
 of success.
This
 success is not overnight. There is
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 level of intense training and continuous performance at the highest level.
Brand
Add an article
The brand
show examples
 will not approach someone who is a star overnight but someone who is a constant performer. And one must look at the tenure for which a sportsman can earn. Unlike in any other
professions
Fix the agreement mistake
profession
show examples
, a
sports
 personality can earn
maximum
Correct article usage
a maximum
show examples
till
Change preposition
of
show examples
 36 to 37 years of age. In exceptional cases,
this
 number can go up to 40
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
population
Add an article
the population
a population
show examples
 in other professions can earn legally up to the age of 58 and for businessmen there is virtually no age limit for earning. There are
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
amount
 of people who think that the money that these
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 stars get is not justified at all. They put in
equal
Add an article
an equal
show examples
amount
 of effort just like any other professional to be successful at the highest level and be there for a long time. Even other professionals live in perform or perish
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 and the gap in pay is extremely big. According to me, given the limited period of
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
 and even limited opportunities to perform for players, the
amount
 earned by these great athletes is well justified
Submitted by omkar.mhaskar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: