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Band 4.5

Some people say that children should be involved in making schools' rules. Some argue that adults should be in charge of making rules. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #children #schools #rules #argue #adults #charge
While
 some
people
 think that
students
 should be the ones who create a set of
rules
 in the schools, others believe that only
adults
 can decide what the
rules
 of each school should have. In my opinion, we should give the
students
 a chance to have a say in making these
rules
, since they know what to do, they may think about some better
rules
 that even
adults
 could not imagine. To start with, the primary reason why some
people
 argue that
students
 have to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
 is that some
rules
 which
adults
 in the past
created
Verb problem
apply
show examples
were ridiculous,
for example
, some schools in my country have a rule that Thai
students
 who are in junior high schools must not have a long hair.
Therefore
, giving the
students
 to think about their own
rules
 is better, since they know what
rules
 are appropriate for them.
However
, many
people
 are
also
 saying that it should be
adults
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since they are older, so they will have more critical thinking and more rational than young
students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 still do not have much experience about
this
 world, and if
students
 create the
rules
 by themselves, they can write some
rules
 that benefit for all of them,
for instance
, they may write that they can sleep in the classroom or they will even write that there is no discipline for
this
 school.
Due to
this
 reason,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they do not trust the
students
 to be in charge of
this
 duty. In conclusion,
people
 support children to make all the
rules
, because they would be making them much better than some
adults
,
while
 some
people
 hope that
adults
 are more suitable and think about the
rules
seriously
Correct quantifier usage
more seriously
show examples
 than young
people
. In my view, I agree with the statement that
students
 should be the ones who are in charge because they know what
rules
 they need to make, unlike some
adults
.
Submitted by Bussara.bb2804 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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