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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that children should be involved in making schools' rules. Some argue that adults should be in charge of making rules. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #children #schools #rules #argue #adults #charge
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While
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 some
people
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 think that
students
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 should be the ones who create a set of
rules
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 in the schools, others believe that only
adults
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 can decide what the
rules
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 of each school should have. In my opinion, we should give the
students
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 a chance to have a say in making these
rules
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, since they know what to do, they may think about some better
rules
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 that even
adults
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 could not imagine. To start with, the primary reason why some
people
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 argue that
students
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 have to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
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 is that some
rules
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 which
adults
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 in the past
created
Verb problem
apply
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were ridiculous,
for example
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, some schools in my country have a rule that Thai
students
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 who are in junior high schools must not have a long hair.
Therefore
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, giving the
students
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 to think about their own
rules
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 is better, since they know what
rules
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 are appropriate for them.
However
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, many
people
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 are
also
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 saying that it should be
adults
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,
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apply
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 since they are older, so they will have more critical thinking and more rational than young
students
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 still do not have much experience about
this
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 world, and if
students
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 create the
rules
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 by themselves, they can write some
rules
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 that benefit for all of them,
for instance
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, they may write that they can sleep in the classroom or they will even write that there is no discipline for
this
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 school.
Due to
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this
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 reason,
so
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apply
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they do not trust the
students
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 to be in charge of
this
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 duty. In conclusion,
people
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 support children to make all the
rules
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, because they would be making them much better than some
adults
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,
while
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 some
people
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 hope that
adults
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 are more suitable and think about the
rules
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seriously
Correct quantifier usage
more seriously
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 than young
people
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. In my view, I agree with the statement that
students
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 should be the ones who are in charge because they know what
rules
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 they need to make, unlike some
adults
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Bussara.bb2804 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsibility
  • accountability
  • engagement
  • relevant
  • reflective
  • critical thinking
  • decision-making
  • experience
  • long-term implications
  • consistent
  • professionally considered
  • lenient
  • biased
  • discipline
  • order
What to do next:
Look at other essays: