IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #women #role #men #country’s #police #force #kinds #jobs
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
For the time being, the equality between males and females has never failed to provoke debates among people. While some claim that
women
Use synonyms
 should be given the same positions as
men
Use synonyms
 in the national police or military force, the opposite makes a statement that they are inappropriate for these sorts of occupations. I am in the middle of these schools of thought, yet, the latter cannot overshadow its counterpart. It is understandable to note that
women
Use synonyms
 are not suited to these types of professions since their muscular strength is not as superior as
men
Use synonyms
. Obviously,
men
Use synonyms
 are more physically gifted than
women
Use synonyms
, especially in cardiovascular endurance or flexibility, which are the determining factors for participants in
such
Linking Words
 vocational orientations.
For example
Linking Words
, the missions facing either petty ones
such
Linking Words
 as stealing and robbing or the more hazardous ones that involve aggravated assaults or terrorism need officers or soldiers who are not only robust but
also
Linking Words
 durable to arrest and incarcerate those
law breakers
Correct your spelling
lawbreakers
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, without those features, they can be seriously endangered by their counterattack.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 are regarded as less competent than
men
Use synonyms
 in these
line
Fix the agreement mistake
lines
show examples
 of careers on grounds that males tend to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the strength requirements than females do. While the drawbacks of
women
Use synonyms
's innate physical abilities are widely acknowledged, it is irrefutable to note that females must be given the same opportunity to serve in the army and police force as
men
Use synonyms
. Due to the inexorable advancement of technology, a steady stream of weapon systems
as well as security methods
Add the comma(s)
, as well as security methods,
show examples
 have been computerized for the sake of armed forces.
As a result
Linking Words
, if
women
Use synonyms
 do not meet the physical standards as
men
Use synonyms
, they are still capable of playing
such
Linking Words
 a paramount significant role in those jobs by building a firm foundation, cultivating their set of skills, providing cutting-edge digital devices and offering training that teaches them how to optimize these tools.
For instance
Linking Words
, Interpol, known as the International Criminal Police Organization has successfully arrested numerous criminals, including the most wanted ones. By using advanced technology, they are able to track offenders and even redress several dire cases.
Therefore
Linking Words
, law enforcement agencies should recruit an equal number of people
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 both genders. In conclusion, despite the weakness regarding physical ability,
women
Use synonyms
 should be given equal chances to join
armed
Add an article
the armed
show examples
 military.
Submitted by hoctotnha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • equality
  • stereotypes
  • diversity
  • physical prowess
  • discrimination
  • negotiation skills
  • gender roles
  • morale
  • integrated forces
  • equal opportunities
  • unit cohesion
  • combat effectiveness
  • bias
  • harassment
  • meritocracy
  • transformative
  • empowerment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: