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Band 5.5

Do you agree or disagree with the statement: economic growth should be slowed down concern about the environment.

#growth #concern #environment
Recently, a prevalent statement we often hear is that concern with
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 is important than economic
growth
.
This
 is because earth is
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
 planet we can
rely
Add the preposition
onrely
uponrely
show examples
.
However
, a great amount of opponents proposes the idea that economic
growth
 should not slow down since
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 is fundamental
of
Change preposition
to
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 a country. As far as I
concerned
Add a missing verb
am concerned
show examples
, I agree with
latter
Add an article
the latter
show examples
 statement. There are several reasons to support my point of view;
however
, the following two would suffice here.
First
 of all, economic
growth
 can mitigate serious problems
such
 as poverty and
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 unemployment
rate
. According to the principle of Macroeconomic, when a country’s
economy
 is in a
prosperity
Replace the word
prosperous
show examples
 period with
continues
Replace the word
continued
show examples
growth
, the unemployment
rate
 will
be low
Correct your spelling
below
show examples
.
Also
, it means that there is less pressure for those students who just graduated from school to find their
first
 job or internship. I will use a real historical event to illustrate my point. During
Correct article usage
the 1980’s
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1980’s
Fix apostrophe usage
1980s
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, the
economy
Replace the word
economic
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growth
rate
 of Japan was
fastest
Correct article usage
the fastest
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 in the world,
also
this
 country’s gross domestic production ranked 2nd in the world at that time. University students did not worry about
to find
Change the verb form
finding
show examples
 a job after they graduate.
However
, Japan’s economic
growth
rate
 was decreasing sharply after
Correct article usage
the 1990’s
show examples
1990’s
Fix apostrophe usage
1990s
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. Many problems arose at that time,
such
 as poverty and
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 unemployment
rate
 that began
Fix the infinitive
to grow
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grow
Change the form of the verb
growing
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 up.
This
 example perfectly illustrates the close relationship between the development of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 and
stability
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the stability
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 of the society. Another point I wish to make is that economic
growth
 can benefit
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other aspect
Change the wording
another aspect
other aspects
show examples
such
 as technology,
education
, municipal, etc. Companies or individuals can earn more money when one country’s
economy
 continues
growth
 or prosperity, and the gross domestic
production
Replace the word
product
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 of
this
 country will
also
increase
, so that means the government’s tax revenue will
also
increase
.
Thus
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can invest more money in
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
municipal, technology and
education
. There is a real example
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 support my standpoint. China
mainland’s
Change the noun form
mainlands
mainland
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 has been
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
increased
show examples
 sharply after the reform and open economic policy in
Correct article usage
the 1980’s
show examples
1980’s
Fix apostrophe usage
1980s
show examples
.
Thus
, it
also
 means there is more government’s disposable income; China government invested more into
education
.
As a result
, there is 99%
Chinese
Change preposition
of Chinese
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 can receive 9 years
voluntary
Change preposition
of voluntary
show examples
education
.
This
 huge change can be owed to the rapid
increase
 of China’s
economy
. To sum
up
Add a comma
,up
show examples
 everything that has been stated so far, there is no denying that we should not slow down the economic development in concern with the environment
Submitted by zhangqianyandaniel on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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