Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views?

It is argued that in order to have a good occupation one
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
to finish
a university studies
Correct the article-noun agreement
a university study
university studies
show examples
, while
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
would argue that one should start working after completing
school
education to achieve
work
experience
.
Although
working after
compelting
Correct your spelling
completing
university studies leads to a well
statustory
Correct your spelling
statutory
job for a young adult,
however
, I strongly agree that one should start working after finishing
school
to gain
work
experience
that develops self-esteem in an individual. Some say that working after completing higher education offer
standerised
Correct your spelling
standardised
standardized
jobs to people. To say
this
, having a higher qualification means that a
person
is fully skilled and holds the knowledge of his role in the field of his studies.
As a result
, offering
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
salary package
alongwith
Correct your spelling
along with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
good position
making
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
a
person
different from the crowd.
For example
, higher occupations like doctors and scientists are the jobs that are only possible after completing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher degrees in universities.
However
, I believe that it is a long time period and children should start working as soon as they finish their schooling to get assertive in their performance that can impact positively on their career. Children after graduating their schooling should start working that will enhance their
experience
making them more confident in their
work
in future. To say that, working for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time makes a
person
more skilled in the particular
work
boosting up his confidence to
answere
Correct your spelling
answer
any question linked to his
work
.
Therefore
enhancing more job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
for a
person
in the same field. For example,
recent
Add an article
a recent
show examples
survey done in 2019 reveals that people who have started working in the early years of life are
more smart
Replace the words
smarter
show examples
.
Therefore
, I believe that working after
school
provide
exorbitant
Correct article usage
an exorbitant
show examples
experience
to an individual and
devlops
Correct your spelling
develops
develop
his confidence to a great extent. In Conclusion, while
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
degree
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
an individual to find a good job, I believe that
experience
gained through working after completing
school
is far more important as it builds up the confidence of an individual.
Submitted by kajalsaini454 on

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • critical thinking skills
  • specialized expertise
  • on-the-job training
  • work experience
  • financial independence
  • career growth
  • hands-on experience
  • balanced perspective
  • internships
  • part-time work
  • academic learning
  • vocational training
  • apprenticeships
  • personal circumstances
  • financial constraints
  • career goals
  • individual aptitudes
  • well-paying careers
  • satisfying careers
  • specialized training
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